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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How much do you do for your elderly parents?

4 replies

OrmIrian · 31/05/2007 09:51

My parents are going away for a fortnight. They have a greenhouse which needs an eye keeping on and a cat who needs feeding. My parents? neighbour does this for them when they go away, in return for which mum always brings her back a gift, as well as which she takes all the veg that is ready and any soft fruit (they are totally self-sufficent for veg) and used to take eggs too when there were hens. I pop up at the weekends to check that all is well, feed the cat and do the watering. Neighbour has started telling my mother that I should be the one to do this every day . Which would be tricky as I have a job and 3 young kids and I live about 20 miles away. She doesn?t mind doing it but feels that I am somehow failing in my duties - her DD?s would do it apparently which is hard to verify as they all buggered off asap and now live in France and Northumberland .

But what really bothers me is that my mum repeated it to me. She had a tendency to ?ahem?. ?embroider? ..stories a little to make a point, and now I wonder if she is trying to tell me something. They are very good to us, they look after DS#2 every Wed, and have done the same with other 2 before they started school. They had all 3 kids yesterday. But generally I am very aware that 3 kids is hard work for 2 elderly people so I don?t ask them to do that often..not more than 2 or 3 times a year. They rarely babysit at night because they normally go to bed too early really. So am I asking too much and offering too little in return? Neighbour is without a doubt a silly mare but she has planted a seed of guilt. What does anyone else think?

OP posts:
dweezle · 31/05/2007 10:46

We do quite a bit of stuff for my parents (nearl 80), but then again, they do quite a bit of stuff for us too - and they only live 5 mins drive away. They're away at the moment so I'm dealing with their post/garden etc. They feed our cats when we're away and generally keep an eye on house. I think a 40 mile round trip to feed cats, water garden etc is a bit much - especially if neighbour is willing to do it. Is neighbour just stirring? Would it be worth your M&D calling her bluff and saying 'It's OK, if you're not happy doing these things Ormirian will put 3 dcs in car and drive 40 mile round trip to do it'. Only problem is, you might have to!

admylin · 31/05/2007 10:56

Your parents are only away for a fortnight so it would be possible for you every other day at least. It is a long trip but I would offer so atleast the neighbour can't say anything and make them feel sorry for you when they realise you would have to drag 3 kids along too.

cat64 · 31/05/2007 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

tallulah · 01/06/2007 11:20

My mum has taken to ringing me with tales of woe when something needs fixing and saying things like "it's a shame you live so far away", the inference being that we could/ should do them for her. These calls come at the weekend and she is well aware that my DH works just about every weekend so wouldn't be available if we lived next door. Yet she keeps doing it. Do you think this is the case with your mum? It seems to be a particular mindset once you get to a certain age.

I think you going up at the weekend is enough.

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