Please help me stop being so vile

[Vilemum]

For context, it’s no excuse but maybe an explanation: I am 4 months pregnant with HG. I got pregnant with this pregnancy straight after another HG pregnancy which ended in miscarriage. I have felt sick/tired/weak/dizzy since January and am well and truly fed up.
I am on medication for the hg which helps with the vomiting but not with the nausea/general weakness/feeling like utter shite. Even just carrying a load of washing from one floor to the next leaves me with my heart pounding and me needing to lie down. All I’m managing to do is take care of/play a little bit with the youngest, cook easy dinners, clean up after dinner, laundry and some very basic tidying/cleaning. Just doing that completely wipes me out.

The problem is that I’ve become really snappy. I have no tolerance for anything and I’m just being vile to my family.

The little things that normally piss me off a bit (such as dp leaving crumbs on the worktop or hair in the sink when he shaves) are giving me the rage because I’m so fucked off with having to clear up after him when just getting through the day is an effort. He says it’s just a few crumbs and will take me less than a minute. I know he’s right but I can’t seem to stop myself getting annoyed by it.

At the extreme end my daughter had a headache and asked for some paracetamol, instead of feeling sympathy for her I just felt really pissed off that I had to go down two flights of stairs to the kitchen to get her paracetamol and water when I already felt dizzy from having just gone up the stairs. How fucking shit am I that I resent having to take care of my child when she’s not feeling well?

Has anyone managed to stop themselves being so snappy? Any tips on how to get myself out of the hump? I would normally go for a long walk and cook something delicious but neither of those are an option right now. I really need to stop taking my fed up ness out on my family.

Also any ideas for nice things I can do with the kids whilst I’m so ill? I really wanted to take them out on lots of days out etc over the summer to make up for the past few months being a bit shit for them but the hg is just going on and on with no let up.

You sound exhausted! Any chance you could have at least a day where you rest as much as possible and dp picks up the slack? Sounds like you need a lot more rest

He says it’s just a few crumbs and will take me less than a minute.
Eh? What does he mean, you? Why won't it take him less than a minute? Why can't he or your daughter fetch paracetamol?
I have no advice on how to be less pissed off by your family not taking care of you when you are ill!

What ravenmum said. How about him clearing yo his own fucking crumbs?!

If wiping crumbs and hair is so easy why can't he do it?

What @ravenmum said.

I had HG for the first 18 weeks of my twin pregnancy. I have never felt worse. Your dp should be making more effort!

Thanks everyone.
The thing is he does work hard, so I can kind of see how he thinks the crumbs etc shouldn’t be a big deal for me when I’m basically sat around doing nothing most of the time. But I’m not sat around doing nothing because I’m lazy, it’s because I physically can’t do much. I don’t think he has any idea how debilitating hg is.

I think you’re right though and I am resenting him which is partly why my fuse is so short. He had two days off work this week and spent the entire time doing diy. I suggested he could maybe take the little one to the park for half an hour or help me a bit with the day to day stuff but he just said the diy needs to be done and it would be a waste of a day off work to not do it.

At the same time he is resenting me for the fact he’s having to work full time and then I’m asking him to do more at home than normal.

I really would like advice on how to snap less though

You're not asking him to do anything he can't manage alongside work for a month or two. He should be helping without you suggesting it, instead of adding to your troubles by making you feel bad for asking him, on top of feeling ill.

How to snap less? Firstly, make it totally clear to him how crap you are feeling, in case it really has not got into his thick skull. Tell him in detail how you feel. Tell his family how you feel, and how unhelpful he is being. Tell his work colleagues how you feel, and how unhelpful he is being.

If he knows how crap you are feeling but continues to act like a shit, the other options would be 1) remove yourself from his presence so that you are not able to snap at him or 2) convince yourself that actually his crap is all perfectly reasonable.