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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Emotional abuse from parent

3 replies

depleted · 28/07/2018 10:41

Hi all, I need some advice and thought this would be a good place to start.

I've had a rough few years. Three young children, ex h had an affair (which was very much a shock) and is currently living with the other woman.
We are now divorced.

Family home was sold, due to my declining mental health I overspent and am now in debt. I was private renting for 18 months but the landlord increased the rent and I found it hard to meet bills.

I'm currently living with my parents, sharing a room with my children.
This seemed the ideal solution, give me chance to be kind to myself, deal with my debts and try and save a little.

The problem is, I didn't realise how emotionally abusive my dad is, towards my mum and myself and children. We have never had a great relationship even has a child myself but never to this extreme.

He verbally abuses my mum on a daily basis, is financially controlling with money even though he is very well off.
My mum says it has always been like this and she can ignore it.
The trouble is I can't, the constant swearing, put downs and walking on eggshells is just awful.

It came to a head last night, when he called me a piss taker for having used too many plates during the day (we have a dishwasher and I pay board) and said 'they should be run over' in reference to my children when they had left a toy out.
This is never confrontational, but always in earshot.

I just don't know what to do, I can't afford to up and leave. But I feel this is affecting my mental health more, and also don't want my children exposed to this.

I feel like such a failure, in three years we've gone from having a lovely family home to losing everything.

Has anyone any advice?

OP posts:
depleted · 28/07/2018 18:36

Bump

OP posts:
merrykate · 28/07/2018 18:56

How awful for you. Have you ever spoken to him about it? How long realistically will it take you to pay off your debt? Could you 2grt on the waiting list for a council property? Or debt consolidation? If your debt is manageable then it may be best for your children if you move on. No child should be exposed to that on a daily basis.

depleted · 28/07/2018 20:22

Realistically, it will be 19 months before I pay off the debt if I stay put.

I've not managed to save so far as I've been paying every penny towards the debt but now I'm thinking I shouldn't do this.

I am on the council waiting list for a council house but it's a really overpopulated area, so the likelihood is I will never get one.

OP posts:
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