Bored lonely and just plain fed up AGAIN!!

[Mummmyx4]

Hi guys this will probably be a long post but I’m desperate for advise!
For 15 years I’ve been with my other half,we’re not married!
He proposed 8 years ago and we’ve just never had the money to do it!
He’s always had a job and always goes to work.hes unskilled so the job he does is low pay so we just manage I guess..I have two children from a previous nasty relationship but he took them both on at she’s 4 and 1.so HES their Dad! He’s a wonderful father! Previously in our relashionship he’s neglected me and the kids and ANY cooking or cleaning and it caused us to split but due to him having no where to go we slept in separate rooms and were very much both single.as far as I know neither of us met anyone new..he constantly begged me to change my mind but I just completely fell out of love with him.im very social so I’ll go to friends bbqs and to the beach and park but he hates it! Refuses saying it’s niy his thing and could play his computer all day and night! There was no passion no kidding just a quick kiss on the lips and he’d push me away saying he can’t breath.weird but hey ho it’s how he is I suppose.he has NO sex drive so that was always once a month If I was lucky under the covers and always on a Saturday morning..I just got fed up of not feeling needed and wanted and fell out of love with him..
Anyways,fast forward to the day I said I was moving out because I couldn’t carry on living in the same house...he begged me to stay said he’d change and he’ll be more family orientated..I didn’t believe him but I actually felt sorry for him so like an idiot I stayed..we worked on it and things were becoming great!! And they stayed great for another two years.TODAY he’s back on the computer!
For a good 6 months now he comes home from work goes in the bath and is on the computer til sometimes 1am! There’s never any sex.we don’t play we don’t laugh and he never shows me affection.my 7 year old daughter seems to have taken my place!shes a real daddies girl and it’s beajtiful because I have a great relationship with my dad too but he’ll go lay with her in the evenings at her bed time and cuddle her to sleep,if she’s naughty I get a really horrible look from him for telling her off..he said to me just today,are you due on because your belly is bloated and hanging over..I’m a size 10!! He never compliments me and by god I swear I’ve asked him thousands of times to see a theorist or doctor about is sex drive because trust me there’s NONE!
I’m 40 nearly and I’m lonely and bored.i want to feel loved and I want him to ‘want’ me! I hear my friends say their husbands initiate sex and they make excuses and I can’t even join in! I just smile.
I do love him very much so but I’m sick of my life being like this..
I don’t know what to do and I can’t ask for advise from family because I’m their eyes he’s the perfect man!

Am not surprised that you are both lonely and bored.

Why do you want him to want you?. Family as well are no good here because they are overinvested, also they do not have to live with him so they do not really know what he is like and you've likely excused and/or covered for him more than once.

When someone tells you who they are you would do well to listen. It seems that you went from one previously awful relationship into yet another not too dissimilar in that this one is crap as well. What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up, how is it that your boundaries in relationships are still so low that you are tolerating all this nonsense from him?.

How can you state you love him; this is not a loving relationship and likely never has been that. What is there to love about this man exactly?. You may well be also confusing love with codependency. Women in poor relationships too often write the good dad comment or versions thereof when they can think of nothing positive themselves to write about their man.

What are you getting out of this relationship now, what is keeping you still with this man?. He is giving your eldest child mixed messages too because he treats her nicely whilst giving you as her mother the elbow. He is not really a good example of a stepfather to these children.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and just what are they learning here from you two?. I would be planning my exit from this and asap, you will never marry this individual and he is really no catch either.

Well strangely my 7 year old is the youngest..I have a 20 year old son 17 year old daughter 12 year old son and 7 year old...she’s the baby..
I completely get everything you’ve just said!! Your right I know you are...but if I told him it’s over he wouldn’t move out I’d have to.
I DO love him I know I do..what do I want from him?? Just his time and affection..I understand we both work and are both tired but our time doesn’t exist..