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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex wife sleep over

11 replies

dizzi1 · 26/07/2018 18:43

Hi first time posting in here. Any advice would be great. Have been in a long distance relationship for a year now which has been going great. The bf is two years out of a long marriage and not yet divorced. He told me his marriage had been over for five years. However they remain friendly and even shared a hotel room together along with their grown up children when it was a family funeral. U did not say much about this at the time as we had only recently met. However the weekend just gone after spending the week at mine he told me his kids were coming for the weekend and the ex was coming too . He told me not to worry they were just friends. Naturally this didn't go down well and I told him it's a bit much as seemed like the marriage wasnt as over as he said. I told him I couldn't hang around for this and said we should end it. He told me to stop being paranoid and get a grip and proceeded to spend the weekend together whilst finally turning his phone off on the Sunday. He is now trying to win me back saying it was just friends she was feeling very down and he would never lie to me and wants to move on.
I'm now very confused as how to proceed .

OP posts:
snackarella · 26/07/2018 18:51

I couldn't put up with it. Wether it's innocent or
Not isn't really the issue, it's about respect and boundaries ! Weird situation and I would end things

Ryder63 · 26/07/2018 19:00

No. He hasn't moved on. You need and deserve a full relationship, not him yoyoing btween his ex Hmm wife and you.

dizzi1 · 26/07/2018 19:03

Thanks for reply yes finding it weird too

OP posts:
dizzi1 · 26/07/2018 19:08

Thankyou

OP posts:
thethoughtfox · 26/07/2018 20:19

He hasn't moved on and has clearly shown you that he will do what he wants with other women and make himself uncontactable to you. This would be intolerable to anyone.

Gemini69 · 26/07/2018 20:23

what a DICK he is OP... find a person worthy and respectful.. this man is not respectful... you deserve better than THIS... Flowers

MaisyPops · 26/07/2018 20:24

Whether he has moved on or not, he's not behaving appropriately.

You don't need that much baggage and agro.

golddustwomen · 26/07/2018 20:32

Hell no!!! You did the right thing, I'd have fucked him off too!!

lifebegins50 · 26/07/2018 20:40

I think given its also long distance relationship then warning bells are sounding.
Also his reaction to your concerns are not good.
Trust yourself and don't let him blame you.

mindutopia · 26/07/2018 21:48

It depends on the nature of the relationship and his openness with you if it’s weird. My dad used to stay over at my mum’s house and we used to go camping together (pretty sure we also once shared a hotel room). I was a teenager though (my dad died when I was 18 anyway so not sure how this dynamic would have changed as an adult). They most certainly were not friends and at best my mum tolerated him because she wanted to keep the peace for my sake and encourage the best possible relationship between us all. It didn’t seem weird to me (and actually genuinely was a positive thing). My dad had a long term partner as well (sometimes she stayed too) and it was all very above board. But if you aren’t comfortable with it, then you aren’t and I think you’re right to cut your losses now as it’s still early days.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 26/07/2018 23:00

“No.”
^a complete sentence

He might be able to talk someone into this scenario, but it won’t be you. Wink

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