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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

To have a trial separation? Any advice

4 replies

baileys85 · 26/07/2018 00:52

I'm seriously considering having a trial separation from my husband for a few weeks as I genuinely feel he is miserable and it's making me feel upset and lonely. We haven't been getting on in about 3 weeks mostly not talking and sitting in separate rooms snarky little remarks ect. He constantly compares our relationship to others down to our next door neighbours who we would only chat to. It's always how much other men get out and their wives don't mind whereas I apparently do mind or else I make plans that either involve him or him looking after the kids the next day so he never gets a break. We both work full time and he has hobbies but I don't have time to pursue mine. I can't talk to him because it causes him so much stress and he gets headaches, I stress him out. I'm the way I am because my family aren't normal (his words not mine) and he would never have had a third baby except I pushed for it so much. I'm sitting here 23 weeks pregnant whilst he's off to get a good nights sleep in the spare room and I'm up for work in 4 hours. I don't want to end my marriage but we have issues that need sorting. He won't move out and we both pay the mortgage and I've nowhere to go either with the kids and I would prefer not to make all this public knowledge just yet. At the moment he's sleeping in the spare room but I need some advice on what kind of boundaries I can set so that we can both co-parent whilst trying to work out what we want until we decide what to do. We've been together 12 years.

OP posts:
baileys85 · 26/07/2018 08:01

Anyone :-)

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 26/07/2018 08:13

If you're both working and sharing housework and childcare, suggest you both have a day off. Saturday is yours to go out shopping, see your dp's, go cinema, see friends etc.and Sunday is his day. (Or vice versa? You would have to go out tough, to get full advantage, otherwise you'd end up doing housework, childcare as usual.

baileys85 · 26/07/2018 08:26

That wouldn't work for us as I'm a shift worker. I work weekends and my days off vary week to week whereas he has weekends off but has dc.

OP posts:
Doidontimmm · 26/07/2018 08:37

Nothing is going to change by giving it the name “trial separation” , you already sleep apart. Have different days off. All you can do is cook/do laundry etc separate but essentially that’s how you are already living.

If you are going to separate then one of you has to move.

Sorry I just don’t understand trial separation, you either do or don’t!

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