Do I 'need' to go?

[togoor]

Name changed as I accidentally outed myself the other day

Background: DH and I have been up and down lately, he has a demanding job, long hours and completely relinquishes all mental load when he's away from home. We've got young children and I also work - we do a lot of 'competitive tiredness' He is a mega sulker and admits he is shit at communicating. He feels he has a lot of traits of Asperger's syndrome, never diagnosed, which again clarified a lot of his thoughts for him to know.
I actually sent him a link to the Open Letter to Shitty Husbands piece that someone wonderful shared on here which resonated with me so so much. He agreed it hit home and we're both trying.

Skip to last week, I saw a text on his phone (we are very open with each other's phones) from someone with a weird nickname after their name so nosily clicked on it.
Conversations between him and a colleague, she has texted to say she's made a cake and to pop down to the area she works in.
Another seeing how he was after a particularly rough day.
Another mock reprimanding him for leaving her with a different colleague after a shift change. All a little flirty, kisses on the end of a few.
I can't put my finger on it but gut feeling is that she is interested in him.
To be fair, he's not encouraging it from his replies. But ( and I apologise if you've got this bloody far) DH is really lovely and there is night out on Friday for work.
I'm convinced this woman is going to make a beeline for him, and would hate him to be put in that situation, or worse still for him to be delighted and reciprocate.

So - do I tag along? Or is that controlling.
Or am I just being a dick? If anything's going to happen, it will - right.

I really am sorry, that was so long.

I'd go. Look fabulous, be affectionate and loving to dh, get introduced and say I'd heard all about her from dh (with smug/pitying look on my face). Not sure if that's controlling or not, but I certainly mark my territory in the nicest way possible.

If you are open with phones maybe bring it up with him before the night out?

Thanks guys, I need my roots doing - I think this is genuinely putting me off wanting to go
see that's it, I have heard about her. He's described her as lovely. I told him to run away with her then (we were laughing about it) but in the next breath he mentioned eating cake at work that someone had baked. I asked who, knowing full well it was her but he brushed it off as 'one of the staff'
Is he avoiding mentionitis?

Sausage I would bring it up, but I really don't want him think my I was snooping I was obviously

I sound neurotic I promise I'm not. I've been fucked about in the past, but with DH for 15 years mostly very happily. Nothing like this has cropped up before. To my knowledge anyway.

You don;t sound neurotic to me OP. I'd feel the same in your position.

If you wouldn't enjoy the night out, don't force yourself to go just to make a point to this woman or to keep your DH out of temptation.

If someone wants to cheat, they'll find the opportunity somehow. A decent person will be able to stay faithful regardless of how much temptation is thrown their way.

Please remember that whatever type your DH turns out to be, it is absolutely no reflection on you. I hope he's a god one and will reassure you.

Agh, I meant GOOD one, not god.

You don't sound neurotic, don't mean to worry you but this is how it started with my partner that just left for a co-worker. All the whatsapp messages and he had mentionitis and the next thing he was out the door to start a life with a teenager at the age of 40. Not saying this is exactly the same but I don't think you're neurotic.

I’d be tempted to go also. You say you have young kids, get a babysitter and say you fancy a night out. Then go out and suss her out. Dh’s reaction when you suggest to go out also will say volumes.

He does have an occasional God complex @SisterCage 
@Sausage101 yes, I've seen it many times, both on here and RL sadly. Sorry it happened to you 
@Petalflowers he does want me to go! That's the thing, ridiculous or not, I honestly believe at this stage he has absolutely no poor intentions, it's all at her end. or in my head
He reminded me it was this weekend and I commented about how it would be nice if he'd asked me, he fell over himself with excitement asking me to come,he thought he'd asked me already.

We don't get out much and rarely drink so I'm imagining him plastered and her sticking her tongue in his ear etc.
My lovely mum has offered to have the children overnight so I've no excuse not to go and be fabulous have I?
I'm not daft, he's always been seen as a 'catch' gorgeous, good career, intelligent, younger! but I'm surprised at myself, I really am. Aargh. Can you lot come with me?

Wish I could come, would love a night out :P :)

Love to. Name place and venue. I’ll even buy you a drink!

I feel so much better just from 'telling' someone. That seems daft I know, but the fact that someone else would feel a bit off too makes me feel I'm not going mad.
I don't want to be in a situation where I'm diving on his phone every time he's out the room. I've been that person and it's taken many years to knock it out of myself.
So, we'll ALL go, I'll get us pink lady jackets and we can stand at the bar twirling our gum round our fingers and giving her evils? That ok?
I can sort a Cinderella type makeover before Friday if I have to go can't I...

Don't give her evils. Lol. That will add fuel to her fire as it'll make your husband the poor man who needs saving from his mean wife. Be lovely, witty, charming and friendly. Make your husband proud to be with you, and make her see it's pointless setting her sights on a man in a happy marriage with a wonderful wife. Show her the truth instead of whatever fantasy she's built in her head.

Yeah agree with @thingsdogetbetter just have a nice night out and don't worry too much about her.

Sorry to jump on your post but if anyone has the link to the open letter I'd really appreciate it.

Hope you get it sorted and it's something and nothing, I'd definitely go though and I bet your roots are fine 😘

Fun spoilers!
You're right obviously. I'm going to ring my mum now whilst you've emboldened me and confirm her services.
Gulp.
Thank you so much
Here's hoping I'm not back in a couple of weeks asking for help to LTB hey.

I'll update if anything wild happens...

@Emsmomma the site is called 'mustbethistalltoride.com
He is also the author of 'she left me because I didn't put a glass in the dishwasher' another great read

@togoor thank you! Let's us know how you get on....I'll be at the bar in my pink lady jacket cheering you on