What's best for the Kids?

[fortygin]

Hi I separated from my exh 18months ago after a 24 year relationship/14 year marriage.
We have 4 dc, 13,12,10 and 7.
The split was initiated by me after I found out about is latest infidelity, an affair of a year duration.

I had tried for the past 6 years to save the marriage after countless indiscretions on his part but I had cold hard black and white evidence this time He couldn't explain away.
My question is was I right? I am so much happier and my kids are too as the house is relaxed and there no atmosphere.
We share custody and they are with their dad approx 30% of the time.
My question is that recently a 'friend', who incidentally was the one who told me about the affair and told me I'd be fine and better off without him, has been sending what's app messages saying she worries about the affect on my DCs mental health well being because I asked their dad to leave and that she respects people who could turn a blind eye to this behaviour and keep their family together.
Is she right?!? Should I have stayed in my marriage?
I guess I know for ME it was the right decision to separate but I worry that I've done the wrong thing for the dc. They seem happy and well rounded but She has made me concerned for their future.

She is completely wrong my love. What you have done is shown your dcs that you have self respect and will not allow a man to walk all over you and have affairs that you just put up with. The kids will be far happier you being separated than living in a house full of resentment and hatred towards husband and wife . Your friend is seriously deluded . Welldone op for setting your kids a great example X

Report I read last year states dc feel a sense of loss of childhood when they realise their dps marriage was a sham and memories were indeed fake /false and have trouble sustaining long term relationships after their own dps lied to them their whole childhood.. How would they trust anyone after that?
Living an honest life apart is better than a life of lies and deceit together - your friend is a tool.
Is she envious you had the guts to break free?

Thank you, I have realised that she is a friend who is around for the gossip but really struggles to be happy for you when life goes well. She is in a relationship but has never seemed happy and has said that she will leave when the youngest is 18.
I guess she is trying to put the worry in my mind as it makes her feel better as I have been backing off due to some nasty comments.
It did make me think though ....

All mn, you will find that almost everyone will support your decision to leave.

This is not the answer you want to hear from a child of parents with unhappy marriage - I am very grateful my parents opted to stay together. I had an unbroken home growing up with my siblings in financial comfort and with my father and mother under the same roof. Me and my siblings have made successful marriages.

This is with the caveat that whilst my father had numerous affairs (my parents were fundamentally incompatible, which does not excuse it in the least), he was a good provider and stayed out of the house a lot. Therefore, the atmosphere at home was generally neutral. Me and my siblings were also older, between 10 and 15 during the roughest patch, and coming up to big exams.

My parents are still together in their dotage. Therefore, they must have made some sort of peace. I appreciate my mother for her sacrifices. I would not judge her if she left as she has the right to be happy but she stayed for her children which is a big sacrifice on her part. They are of a different generation.

It sounds like she is jealous op. If maybe distance yourself from her as if she is only free the gossip then she is not a true friend. Goodness knows who she is relaying all your private business too ? You have done absolutely the right thing and I promise your kids will be fine. If anything they will be angry towards your husband when they are old enough to understand just what he did to you during your marriage. You can hold ya head up high knowing that you have done the right thing op. Welldone and good luck for the future xxx

If not if

I'd not if ffs damn phone

DW's parents stayed together "for the children's sake". She says it was a mistake. The atmosphere at her home was awful. She reckons it would have been better for a clean break and, from what I saw, I agree with her. You did the right thing OP in my opinion, and I speak from hard won experience. Tell your friend she's an idiot.

Thank you all, I do appreciate the varying views.
I also would never want my two dds to think that it's ok and normal to turn a blind eye and accept less than 100% commitment from their partners or for my two boys to think that's the way you treat your spouses.

This friend is not a friend. Ignore any more messages from her.