Putting the brakes on - am I being an arse?

[Incarnationsofunderstanding]

I’m just starting to date again after a bad experience, not entirely sure what I want other than someone nice to spend time with.

Anyway met someone, we get on well, he makes me laugh, seems solid, fairly down to earth, a nice guy. Fairly different backgrounds in terms of work (trade Vs professional), and ways of speech (he’s a bit of a hun) but there is something there that makes us click

However he’s a future planner he’s very clear that while we are just getting to know each other he wants someone to be with forever, that he really likes me and that there is no reason it can’t go there. Yesterday he FB friended me, I know he had already looked me up before we met. He tells me how amazing I am, talks about spending loads of time together etc. Etc.

My barriers have shot right up, said this morning I wasn’t doing the FB thing, I wanted to get to know him in RL not digital dive into each other’s lives, in reality my head went to “if he knows everything he can manipulate anything”.

So I want to sense check on here if I’ve been rude, if my barriers are a result of natural caution or warped by past experience?

Oh and it’s only been 2 weeks - 4 dates!

Just be straight with him. "I'm really enjoying getting to know you but I don't want to rush anything. Let's keep it light and no pressure. Can you calm down? It's too much too soon and it would be a shame to stop seeing each other"

If he's a good bloke he'll respect your request and you win, if he turns a bit knobbish then you have saved yourself rhe hassle of getting further into a relationship with a proven knob.

Incarnations I've been where you are and I've also had some therapy!

It is really important to have clear boundaries and to be able to tell people what they are. There's nothing wrong with your new man talking about living together meeting the kids at some point in the future etc BUT really importantly there is nothing wrong with you saying what SemiAquatic suggested too and making it really clear that this is not on your agenda right now.

You have to be able to tell the other person in a relationship what is ok with you and what isn't. There are no perfect people out there, so there is always going to have to be a conversation about boundaries.

Tell him & if he doesn't respect your boundaries, then you can tell him exactly why you can no longer have a relationship with you.