Handhold/Advice

[BettaSplenden]

I ended my relationship of 10 years yesterday. I've thought about it for a long time before doing so. I love him. But for 7 of the last 10 years we have been in a sexless relationship (not my choice). I also felt like he didn't care. He didnt contribute to the housework even though he works less hours then me. He is a bit a loner and has no friends. I have explained many times over the years I was unhappy bit nothing ever really changed. I tried to break up a month or 2 ago and he begged for another chance as he never thought I was serious (im making that sound awful but i can't remember how he phrased it) and that he would change. I still felt the same so ended it. He begged me not to end it and that it would change but I said no.
Now I feel like total shit and that I made a mistake even though I know deep down he'll never change. I feel awful that I've hurt him and I can't stop crying. This is the only serious relationship I've ever been in so don't know if this is normal? All I want is to cuddle him but I'm avoiding that. We have to share the house that we live in for a while as neither of us can afford the mortgage on our own and it's in joint names. Can anyone give me any reassurance or advice as to how to cope with this? I've spent all night crying and walking around aimlessly and I need to pull myself together. I still love him and I think I always will. I want to stay friends but not sure if that's possible. Handhold needed.

I'm probably not the best person to offer relationship advice at the moment but if I could hold your hand I would.

I left my husband after 17 years together and it was a very surreal experience. I still loved him but it felt more like brotherly love as opposed to how I wanted to be loved. The first couple of weeks were very strange he would cry and cry and scream like he was in agony. He would get drunk and call me up wailing in heartbreak it was truly horrible. But like you say I knew nothing was going to change.

We had tried and tried and even had marriage counselling. However nothing worked. He was still like my big brother.

Anyway he moved out and things started changing. The whole dynamics changed within 4 months and all the promises, commitment to each other that we would always care for each other, the helping each other move on turned on its head. He remained thinking he would one day get back with me. However I had to be blunt and move on.

Sadly 2 years on I'm still going through a divorce.

But it doesn't change for one second that it was the right thing to do.

Get yourself out. Get a hobby, invest in yourself. Go to the gym? A club. Whatever to take yourself away from the situation

I hope you feel better soon. X

it sounds like you’re making absolutely the right decision, you haven’t been happy for a while and clearly things weren’t going to change. It will feel horrible for a while and that’s fine, be kind to yourself, but you’ve definitely done the right thing. Time is a fantastic healer.

Have you got some RL friends or family who can support you?

Not really told anyone in RL yet. Don't want to cry in front of them. Thank you both it makes me feel slightly less shit x

You’ll be ok. Do talk to your friends, they want to be there for you

I've told a couple of friends but one is just coming out of a relationship herself (He wasn't a nice guy unlike mine) and someone else who is recently loved up so don't want to bother either of them. I don't have many friends. I think tonight was just a bad night and that most of my nights for a while will be ( when I'm alone). I'll get there. Ex has been supportive which helps but i don't want him getting his hopes up that theres a chance of getting back together. House has ten years worth of shit in it which needs sorting through. I think I'm trying to make things move too quickly.