Ghosted and can't seem to move past it.

[Horsesforcourses23]

Ok,

So I've posted a bit on mumsnet recently and I've really found the advice helpful.

So with that, I've been chatting about lack of men / weird men / being single. However I've been thinking my actual problem is I can't move past being ghosted a few months ago.

Long story short, met a guy who was amazing (at the time) really clicked, had serious chemistry, really got on well and basically had a great time. There was brief chats about future, nothing serious just like a break away etc, instigated by him... Basically I thought I'd found my person. The last time I saw him everything was fine, and then boom. Nothing. I text to ask him if everything was ok, he replied a very polite courteous message he was fine but busy. So I left it, text 2 days later to ask what had happened he said nothing and everything was fine. Promptly blocked me on all social media and I've never heard from him again.

At the time I was really distressed. I never tried to chase him just figured I'd been fired off and that was that, I just found it so unbelievably cruel that some one could be that cold when they'd been so kind and lovely before.

It took me weeks to start to feel normal again, but bizarrely I can't seem to move past it. I was asked out on a date and I thought "what if he contacts me though?" What the hell even is that? If he did contact me I'd be giving him a piece of my mind not forgiving him.

But I keep thinking all these thoughts like he's going to just magically re-appear and i just can't seem to move forwards! What the hell is the matter with me? And why can't I get over this?

This is often the way of things now sadly. Try to look on it as having dodged a bullet. I was ghosted after 11 months of seeing each other 2 to 3 times a week & spending Christmas with him and his family. Some people are too cowardly to tell you politely it's just not for them. Be kind to yourself for a while, the pain will pass.

I empathise OP, my partner of 2.5 years ghosted me to end our relationship! He just drove off one night while I was trying to sleep (we lived together) and seemingly disappeared into thin air. I messaged, called, emailed, rang his work etc to no avail.

It's been about 2 months now but the pain of how he has done it and the lack of closure hasn't left me.

You cant wait around for this 'man' who will probably never return anyway. If he does return it will be for the wrong reasons and you would live your life in a state of constant anxiety and distress. Someone capable of that is not capable of treating you the way you deserve to be treated

Gosh easier said than done but you need to be easy on yourself and keep living your life.

Online dating seems to be particularly harsh & ghosting? Such a crap behaviour. Would you want him back even if he turned up?

When I look back to my year of dating and all the crappy behaviours I witnessed, I now wouldn’t give any of them a second chance.

In fact I briefly tindered and came across someone who ghosted me. (Dif pics) He apologised and blah blahed about his issues. He wanted to date again, I refused & told him why.

Living my best life single now.

Omg I feel a bit guilty, you've all had it so much worse than I have! I really appreciate you all replying though.

@balletbonkers & @anxiety - how did you get over it? I'm continually torturing myself wondering what I did? Did I do anything? Did he ever mean anything he said? Then I think he's just a coward and I'm ok for a few days.

@greta - no I definitely would not want him back but Its like this thought of him won't go away. Also he was an OLD I knew him, what's weird is there's every chance we could bump into each other so I just can't get my ahead around it.

I feel like I'm being rather pathetic really x

I haven't got over it yet and I think it will take another good few months before I do. All you can do is take each day as it comes and try not to overthink things. Im the same as you, was it ny fault, could I have changed it, did he ever love me/care etc. But you can't think like that. Your feelings were real, it happened and his don't matter, you will find someone worthy.

A nice person can't understand ghosting because we would never do it ourselves. It's best to just try not to make sense of it. I think "how could he do that to me?" But everyday worse things happen. People kill, rape, etc awful things you can't even contemplate. Of course people are capable of this.

It is just inherently cowardly and cruel.

You didn't do anything and nor could you have changed anything. It's him, not you. Just keep busy, get dating and you will move on.

Are you sure he was all he says he was? You may have been the ow and he may have got cold feet

Hi @knicks, yes at one point I full on panicked that that had been the case, but to be honest I think that was paranoia. I did know him before we dated, nothing overly familiar but we were friends on social media and things and there was nothing to make me question his "status" if you will
also in one of my less proud moments i asked someone who knows him slightly better if he had met someone or was there someone else in the picture and they said not that they knew of.

I just don't get it!