Should I call her up on suddenly blanking me?? Or just let it go?

[harryangel]

So last year at a new job I became (what I thought was) really close friends with a member of my team. She was always there for me, made a huge effort, hugged me every morning and would message over the weekend just to chat, bought me Christmas and birthday presents etc etc. I then left to have a baby and she was so happy for me, telling me how we'd keep in touch and meet up soon.

That was over a year ago. Since then. Zilch. I messaged her a few weeks after leaving just to ask how she was, catch up, it took her 2 days to reply. Sent one more message and heard nothing. I took the hint she didn't care anymore.

I started to wonder if the whole thing had been fake, or if she was mad at me for leaving, I don't know. Anyways it's been eating at me because we're still friends on Facebook and she is now posting about how much she loves the people she works with (which this time last year was me included, but I was clearly replaced). I want to comment like "I thought I was one of those people.." or something, or even message and ask her what happened.

But part of me thinks it would just make me look like more of the btch ? I don't know.

he plainly isn't your friend but what's to be gained from pursuing this; she's never going to give you a full and satisfactory account. She probably doesn't even have much awareness of the situation.

But, if you only met her last year, then maybe she has a more accurate view of the friendship than you do. There's probably another thread somewhere from someone saying, 'I was friendly with this woman from work but I'd only known her a short time, so it's not like we were best friends. She's left now, but she keeps texting me.'

Just let it go, and learn from the experience.

This is about her, not you. The work sphere is her stage and she has a boundary to not exert effort beyond that. She could be concerned about appearances at work, being indispensable, perhaps a bit of Queen Bee going on?

Perhaps the friendship is sincere as long as the common denominator of work is present. Rather a qualifier- sort of renders the friendship insincere, but how are you to know in the moment.

As they say, friendships run their course, however brief for some. Let it go. If you return to that work, you have the measure of her.

Thank you, AndTheBandPlayedOn, she was definitely that sort of person. Very full on. I will let her go.

You left it a while before getting in touch with her again - maybe, if she is so intense, she felt like that meant you weren't interested?

Sometimes people use intensity to mimic commitment, when it can be more like obsession. You could have had a lucky escape in the end.

My partner always said that she seemed a bit obsessed. I just genuinely liked her and thought we had a great friendship. I just hate having Facebook "friends" who don't speak to me but feel like deleting her would seem harsh, I don't know.

Just unfriend her and move on. You're spending way too much time thinking about this.

Don’t feel bad, OP. Just move on. I wouldn’t even delete her necessarily as that seems unnecessarily provocative - maybe just unfollow her and put her on limited profile.

It definitely isn’t about you. Some people (like me) are just terrible about sustaining friendships, even with people they do genuinely like. If she’s anything like me, she probably feels really guilty about not messaging you back but now feels the window has closed.

I woudln't even bother unfriending her. Just try to accept that the friendship WORKED in the context of having common ground at work. I don't think that means it wasn't sincere at the time! I've had friendships like these.

I agree I've had plenty of friendships that were great when we worked together and then just fell into more distant acquaintances once we no longer saw each other every day, but you still feel like you can call them to catch up. She was literally like a best friend, then she didn't even congratulate me when I had my son. It was like going from all to nothing. Definitely left me feel like I had done something wrong.

@harryangel her name doesn't begin with S or N does it?

No it doesn't. Do you know someone like this too?

Not exactly the same circumstances but similar in as much as new colleague absolutely bloody well full on, best mates within days but all of a sudden I was dumped without explanation.

I think it's manipulation, carefully cultivating friendships/relationships then when you serve no further purpose, sayonara.

Not nice but ultimately it's their issue.