Help.. I'm going out of my mind

[Newlywedinturmoil]

Folks I'm in turmoil and I'm looking some tender advice - I can't talk to my family about this.
I very recently married, early July after being with my husband (no kids) for coming on 9 years. We always said we'd never get married but he asked 2 years ago and I said yes thinking it was the right thing to do. Now I keep thinking to the point where it's making me mentally ill that I shouldn't have married him / can't love him. I have made an appointment to see a counsellor next week but I don't think I can wait that long. I'm worried I'm going to say something before then to wreck my life and his and not give this marriage a chance. I'm praying that counselling will help me see that the grass isn't always greener. Any advice?

Thanks joboy i already have rang the samaritans but i was in such a state that i just rambeled on, the poor operator was just bomabrded with me asking if they thought counselling would help. I have managed to get an appointment with my dr for this evening im going to see if they can help me any

Sounds like you're experiencing a form of claustrophobia.

Nothing has changed from before, when you weren't married, except a feeling of being trapped in case you don't want to be.

You're not trapped. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Nothing material has changed from before when you co-habited.

Try to do some things to take your mind off the situation, over thinking this will make you feel more disassociated.
Definitely get counselling, but treat your feelings like a panic attack, and breathe through them until you can talk to a professional.
Don't do or say anything that you might regret.

I am wondering what was the reason you did not want to marry originally? I think that may be the reason why you are feeling like this

Cut out the drink - you realise it is a problem and it will not help you to think this through rationally.

Ignore your siblings' relationships - no-one knows what goes on in anyone else's relationship. Things can seem perfect on the outside - but you do not know what is really going on. I expect that there are those who, looking in from the outside, think that your relationship is perfect.

I have been married for 48 years and I cannot say I have loved him every moment of that time - a bit too much to ask! I think this is true of most people. I never believe people who say they have never had a cross word - he is my prince, and all that bollocks.

I think that you are assuming that because you have a lower sex drive than him at this point in time then you must by definition no longer love him. That does not follow. You are not obliged to have the same sex drive throughout your whole life and every couple deals with these ups and downs in sexual compatibility. Talk to him about it.

I really think it sounds as if you're together too much. It's important that you have your own group of friends and your own hobbies and interests. It's claustrophobic. I couldn't cope with having my DH at home that much, I'd probably want to run for the hills as well.

Then you need to get proper help for your MH issues; I've had talking therapy and it really does help you to think things through so you can see the wood for the trees.

Ok ive not been totally honest with you all. Just before the wedding but after we were married I had a massive row with my parents. I moved away from home when i was 18 and one of the 1st nights i was away a guy who i didnt know came into the room he was sitting in the bed and the next thing he was in the bed. I dont think i consented to having sex and belive i was raped anyways I told my husband about this and not another soul until just before the wedding I got drunk and went home to my parents and whilst talking to my mother i exploded and told her she hadnt cared for me like she had my siblings and she had let that happen to me and also said that my brother had made me touch him when we were children.. i dont know where this cane from i have a hazy memory of something but i dont know what exactly or even if it happened at all. My mother and father are the salt of the earth folk and i cant believe i done that. My husband still went head with the wedding and now im feeling this anxity over marrying him jesus my life is a mess!!

Why not ring the Rape Crisis Centre and tell someone what happened. They can help you make sense of things. If you were raped it's no wonder you are confused. They will have heard your story before.

Ring your parents and tell them what happened and tell them you have reached out for help.

Stop worrying about the wedding. Go and get counselling with or without your husband. There is a way out of the confusion you are feeling. Look after yourself

Tell your doctor everything that you have told us.

Sadly we dont have a rape crisis centre in northern ireland

Ring the Samaritans again . It does not matter if you go on and on .this what they are there for. Get it out

Well done OP. You are brave for putting into words the confussion in your head. You are anxious about having been taped, your partner being unsupportive and the relationship with your siblings and parents. This all needs exploring and sounds like you’d like to do so. I hope you find a good counsel or.