My head or my heart

[Sotornagain]

After being friends with a man in work for the past 2 years, we started to get close recently after me and my fiance went on a break instigated by him , we found comfort in each other as he was separating from his wife, well so I thought.
Although nothing happened between us just texting and talking in work, I was really hurt to see him and his wife looking more than together and cut all ties with him. Me and my fiance decided to make things work and all was ok as I could see the grass isn't always greener.
Work guy recently got back in touch with me through a work phone and stupid me engaged in conversation with him, next time I seen him in work we had a friendly conversation and out of no where he kissed me, I pulled away and told him no and said it couldn't happen again, but I definitely felt a spark. I've avoided him like the plague since and now he's text again saying him and his wife are separating and I have heard off other colleagues this is true.
I've told him that me and my fiance are solid even though deep down I know we're not, I love my fiance but he's the one who's unsure what he wants after 8 years he told me this after I attempted to book our wedding.
My head is saying stick with what I know and love and don't get involved in this disastrous situation but my heart is telling me to act upon my urges. I've blocked him on everything and I really miss him. Hes also 10 years older than me and basically completed his life when I haven't even started. Really unsure what to do any advice would be appreciated.

If you don't feel sure about marrying your fiance then think about that first. Sort out that relationship and decide if you're going forwards with it. The other guy is a rebound, it sounds messy. Bad plan.

Dont make it one or the other. They should be different decisions. As Shox said, figure out if you want to be with your fiance first.

I love my fiance and want to make it work with him but I'm worried he's almost befriended me, we are affectionate but no where near as much and he's told me he's unsure about marriage. I was sure I wanted to marry him hence why I said yes when he asked me!
And yes I guess it is a rebound when you have someone complimenting you all the time it's easy to sway to that.

Have you got a date for the wedding? I think you should consider whether it's a good plan to commit more finances to wedding planning if you're unsure if you want to marry him.

The other guy is just a red herring. If you were really happy in your relationship then the other guy wouldn't be able to sway you

Even if he is indeed separating from his wife right now I would suggest that immediately entering into a relationship with him would be a bad idea as ideally he would need time to process his end of marriage before starting another relationship?

So having said that, focus on you and your fiancé - if it works out then you will be happy, if not, perhaps by the time you are ready to enter a relationship again your coworker will be too and you can give it a healthy chance?

You need to decide whether you and your fiance have a future together. If not, then end it. Enjoy being single for a while after that. Don't jump into a new relationship with your co-worker straight away.

Shox, OP is sure about marrying, it's her fiancé who isn't.

Not that sure if she's kissing other men @wagil

He kissed me actually and I pulled away, told him straight and blocked him on everything, but yes I agree my head or my heart shouldn't be swayed by anyone. @shox

Well OP stated he kissed her and she pulled away...

Ok true but he kissed you because you have a connection op. It's a connection you should have with your fiance. Does he make you happy?

My fiance does make me happy 80% of the time we are like best friends but I feel we lack communication I think he does take me for granted sometimes because we have a good life and I just plod a long with it rather than complain. He has a lot of hobbies which I know I play 2nd best to but I've never complained, if I do we argue and that's when he has doubts.
Work colleague is very complementary of me, we have a lot in common he is older than me and speaks a lot of sense. I know it's more lust than anything because we aren't really compatible.
I can't even face being single I really don't know what our families think they think we are solid and I can only see a future with him even if that means I'm plodding along

Sotornagain your wedding shouldn't be something you tick off the list in the course of a ho hum relationship. It's the start of one of life's big adventures - or it should be.

If you're not eagerly looking forward to marrying your fiancé you shouldn't be getting married at all. It's not fair on him and it's not fair on you.

The other bloke is just a distraction. You can always start seeing him once you've finished your current relationship. I always end one relationship before starting another. It's emotionally healthy and it preserves my self respect.

Please don't get married, he isn't the one for you. I think you need to make a clean break, clear your head then decide on what you want.

Well you can’t rely on a man who is shy of committing.
You could think

A) It doesn’t have to be one man or the other does it. Have a good frank talk with your fiancé. You need to know if he will consider committing, then you need to see if it’s just lip service, or if he really does.
B) dump the fiancé and be a free agent to see if you are actually interested in man 2. If you still think there’s a spark, you can slowly begin to feel your way in .

I think the fact this work man is turning your head is making you look closer at how good your current relationship actually is and you're realising while you love him and you're friends maybe you're not in love with him? You said in your original post that your life "hasn't even started" so you must still be young and the person you're in a relationship with and considering marrying should be someone you are madly in love with. Not someone you plod through life with. Life's to short to plod along and we only get the 1 life so you don't want to waste it.

Don't worry about being single, when I was single for a number of years I looked at it as being in a relationship with myself and spending time in a relationship with yourself can be a wonderful thing. You will learn all about you, what makes you happy and how to be independent and then the right person, who makes you have butterflies and fanny gallops will come along and you can have a future with a partner you are truly in love with and want to spend the rest of your life with.

P.s - don't get into a relationship/fling with your co-worker, fishing off the company pier almost always ends in tears and you both have to much current relationship issues to add an affair into the mix.

Oh, and that future person won't have doubts about marrying you because they'll be madly in love with you too.

Don’t settle because you’re afraid of being single. I almost did that. Thank goodness I didn’t and now I am married to someone great.

Are you actually in love with your fiancé and want to spend the rest of your life with him or do you want to get married because that’s the next thing to do?