Is this more than friends?

[Anotherdodgymarriage]

I need advice.
I have become friends with a man at work. We WhatsApp every day (usually funny vudeis) , he buys me coffee on his way to work and we have had long and deep chats about childhoods. We have lots of shared interests.
We are both married, 12 years and 10 years respectively. Anyway the point in making us a close female friend has warned me to be careful as she thinks it's tipping over, he looks at me a lot apparently. I have always been crap at picking up whether men are interested - even more so after 18 years with the same man - now my husband. I also believe men and women can be friends without sex getting in the way.
My husband and I have lost our way somewhat . Kids, jobs life .
Am I nnaive and do i need to step back.

If you and your husband were good, this might not be a problem. If your relationship needs work, pour your energies and attention into your relationship. You owe it to the man you married. You can still be friends with this man.

It sounds like you're drifting towards an emotional affair.

Thank you. I feel I'm on a rollercoaster, he's lent me books for the school holidays (both teachers) and he is insistent i read them and meet up to return before I go to Spain , (other colleagues are fine with seotember) and was overly insistent I had a lift with him last week to a party i didn't I'm just crap at reading intent and don't feel that attractive either .

Hi, I'm old school I think! I have always worked with predominantly men and my best friend since school is a man. Men and women can be friends. It tips over when feelings start to change, which you'd recognise yourself at that point. As long as you are both respectful of your own and each others marriages then I don't see the harm. Do you treat each other any differently than you would friends of the same sex? if not then don't make this complicated by labelling it as something sinister . It's a friendship.....

How would you feel if your husband had the exact same relationship with a female colleague.

The fact you're asking points to some little doubt in your own mind, I think. Yes, men and women can just be friends, but you sound like you're spending more quality time with your colleague than with your own dh. Especially worrying when you then went on to highlight that you and your dh 'have lost your way', and colleague wants to meet up in the hols. You're getting over friendly, and chances are one of you will expect more from the relationship if it continues while you let your relationship with dh coast.

Are you open and honest with your husband about this colleague? That's really important. Are you hiding it at all? If so then yes I'd agree it's a slippery slope.

I think it’s fine to be good friends with a colleague but draw very clear lines in your own mind about what is appropriate and what isn’t.
I would suggest if your deep chats start being about your marital lives and issues then you are having these discussions with the wrong man and are entering into more of an emotional affair.
If things are lacking in your own marriage right now - put energy into improving that...

He’s married but pursuing you. This points at him not being the nice guy you thought was your friend. You probably should cool off the friendship a little, sort lifts from other people etc.

I've always had male friends, but they're friends with my DH. There is one male friend who played a part in DH and me getting to meet. He texts me to wish me happy birthday, happy new year etc., or to suggest a meet up in a pub (with DH).

If I were to suddenly start talking to him about my marriage issues, then that would cross a line. But here's the thing, I wouldn't want to anyway, as we're both happy in our marriages and I'm very private about any issues that DH and I have and talking about them to a third party (apart from my DSis and closest friend) would feel like a betrayal.

I think you need to proceed with caution, and distance yourself from this man until you can establish reasonable boundaries.