Please help - abusive STBXH??? What the fuck am I supposed to do??

[TotallyLostWithNoIdea]

Ended my relationship with STBXH 4 weeks ago. Both still in same house

Generally on a day to day basis he is kind fine with the kids. Angsty, short tempered but doesn’t bash them around. But every now and then he is rough with them. When he’s angry he’ll grab them or do something which will mark them. He’ll always say it’s an accident. And then argue with the children “I didn’t touch you”, “you did x y z” etc etc

We had planned on 50/50 and made a custody plan. I’m looking for a job. Thought I had one lined up which worked with shared custody.

Then this morning more tears. He was fighting with DD to get a remote back. He must have pulled it off her really sharply to cause this mark.

Please help. I have no idea what I’m suppose to do.

You need to call the NSPCC helpline for advice today.

Or, call children’s services safeguarding team.

Phone Women's Aid or this helpline that they run with other organisations. National Domestic Violence Helpline

Take lots of photos. Go see a solicitor. Call social services. He can’t be trusted with their safety. Maybe it needs to be 50/50 conditional offer (see solicitor) after he’s completed a session of counselling/anger management and a parenting course.

Living together under the same roof is clearly not working. I would reiterate the advice made to call Womens Aid. How far are you along in the whole process of divorcing him?.

Who suggested 50-50 in the first place, he?. I would not agree to any 50/50 or a custody plan in the light of this happening. At the very least he would need to see them now and only at a contact centre on set days (no informal arrangements). An angsty and short tempered man is no decent role model for your kids to be seeing either day to day either. Also saying he does not bash them (well he has done this now) seems to be indicative as to how low and skewed your boundaries have actually become at his hands.

Presumably this man is in the house because he is refusing to move out.

Does he really have an anger problem or is he simply taking his anger out on you and his children. AM courses as well are no answer to domestic violence either.

Get this and the other instances reported as soon as possible - before he tries to blame all this bruising on you. He may not be "bashing" them, but he is an angry, violent man, and this will eventually escalate into something far worse.

Forget 50/50. Children don't deserve to be left with a man who injures them, denies it & mindfucks them by saying “I didn’t touch you”, “you did x y z”.

Bottom line - he hurts your children when he is angry. Report it or regret it.

This is your chance to have him removed op

Take it

You'll need to get all the agencies involved and get it on record. Forget all ideas of 50/50

Thank you everyone. Those closest to me seem to think I’m at risk of over reacting. I called my solicitor who advised to at least log with children’s services because if I do nothing I’m equally culpable in failing to protect them.

I haven’t got through to them yet but am on my own tomorrow so will try again then.

Keep trying the OOH number OP if it is safe to do so. It would be best to log it as soon as you can. You could also phone 101 and report it there, it would still be referred to children's safeguarding.

I called my solicitor who advised to at least log with children’s services because if I do nothing I’m equally culpable in failing to protect them.

If school/ clubs/ other adults see these marks, or your children tell other adults that "daddy hurts me" then social services will want to know what you did about it, and how you plan to protect your children in the future.

It will be up to you to prove that you CAN keep them safe.