Ex splits again an is leaving another child

[Nicegirl0101]

Hi someone tell me how my ex can leave my son aged 4yrs old an now splits with his wife an leaves again when the child they had hits 4 again. She spent last 6 yrs telling me she isnt going no where an not that i was bothered bit now his whole family have turned on her an seen her for what she is. But its happened when the child is 4 yet again. If he dnt go bck to her he has ruined two kids lives.
Its her bday today an he spent it working an then my son asked to see him an he said ok an spent eve with our son who is now 10 in sept. My son an i have endured yrs of abuse from her an he stood by her an married her an keot it all going. But why end it when ur other son is the same age when u left us. Is there something i'm missing. Are 4 yr olds that relationship ending . I dnt see it myself.

Well you don't say why you actually split with him, but it sounds like things have come to a head with his wife and he's had enough.
Blaming it on the age of the kids is basically saying it's their fault - Daddy left you because you were a pita 4 yo and now he's left your brother because he's a pita yo. Nice.

It might be any of yours faults but it isn't the children's

I never meant it like that. Yea i guess they could of reach breaking point an its happened same kids ages. We had 11yrs before split without marrying. She lasted six with it if he dont go bck.. we split because i was post natal an didnt talk for 6 months. He said if we talked during that time we would still be together. But he didnt see why i wasnt talking til he had left an set up with her.

It sounds there is a lot more going on in each situation than merely the coincidental age of the child involved...

Agree with pp that your post seems to place blame on the child with your assertion...which I hope doesn’t get told to either child involved in real life?

I think I know what you are trying to ask. Whether 4 is a particularly difficult age so difficult that a relationship may break down. No is the answer not a strong relationship, Your ex might just have run his course with you and his wife at a coincidental time or he might not be able to share his partner with a child which may have manifested at aged 4. You do sound a little too invested in his current situation however .

So how long were you post natal for...If you split when your son was 4?

It may just be coincidental. If you weren't talking for 6 months and he had no idea why...then I can see why it ended tbh. He's not a mind reader.

Thats exactly what i am asking. Do guys find it hard to hold relationships dwn when a child is 4yrs old. Your right. Maybe a coincidence. Strange though.. no??.... am i not right to think otherwise. Not placing blame on child never have. It was me that caused our split.

I don't think its anything to do with the age of the children. And their lives haven't been ruined.

I think the age thing is coincidence. You will need to try and temper your attitude towards his ex if you want to encourage a relationship between your dc and their sibling unless you think your ex will ensure they see each other

I dnt want my son not seeing his sibling. Im not like her. I guess u all dnt knw the story. But ive had the police on her frm day one. Ending in three harrassment orders on her as 1 ran out she would start again but she would never really stop. I think it ended with her dragging my son abt whilst i was away looking afyer a sick relative an son had his visit court order over night an dad got taken ill. Went to hosp an left son with her. I was abroad an she dragged him abt. Not first time shes started on son but social an police have never helped us with her. An dad let her do it. But somethjnhs clicked this time. An maybe after her dragging son. Son blanked dad by phone an text an wouldnt meet up or go to thiers through fear of her. I didnt want hi. At thiers but courts social an police never helped us. We have been to hell an bck with her. I blocked dad from my phone gave son a mobile but he wouldnt switch it on. An 6.7weeks he blanked dad. An now this. Son due to go abroad with them sunday coming. An dad told him they split an taking him away alone. I told him he shouldnt b telling him they split . As we werent married so splitting is just walking out. But divorce is a split. I told him to go bck to her as another kid withoit father at home full time..

Maybe im wrong telling him to go bck. But y have two kids with diff mums an both have no dad with them full time. I told him ur a mess an sort your life out. Im a single parent working two jobs .. an they cant hold it together as a married partnership. An yet i'm the nutty mother or i am the bad parent.

I know this is brutal but its none of your business.

Concentrate on you & your child.
Take care.

Do you mean physical dragging about or just moving your ds from one place to another? If you are worried about your ds and his safety then I would refuse the holiday. I presume you have his passport

Of course they’ve “split” - what else is supposed to tell a 9 year old to explain why he’s no longer with his wife (and mother of the 9 year old’s step sibling).

It’s very odd that you’re trying to not let him use the word split.

The age of your children at the time of the splits is just a coincidence.

It sounds like he’s a total waste of space and she has been awful to you.

But you need to focus on what is actually your business. You are WAY too involved with this man still. You block him on your phone, but you’re telling him what words he can’t use, and you’re telling him to get back with his wife? No. That’s not your business - what on Earth are you doing getting involved in telling him that?! It’s not even a good idea - it’s rubbush advice to stay with someone just because there is a child. Stick to communication about contact only, and leave your ex to deal with his business on his own.

Yeah I have to agree with NickyNora; it’s really none of your business and you need to keep out of it.

That’s not to say that I don’t agree that it’s terrible when men walk out on multiple partners leaving a trail of kids behind them!

If they split, our split was for nothing. He said he needed to make this mistake those were his words. Now they are over it just makes me sooo angry he never tried harder when i was post natal an now two kids are behind him. I told him go back an salvage it because our split was stupid. I dnt want him an in a way im scated he will try to come bck an how weak il b if he does try. He saud when he left me. If it dnt work with her il come bck 4 u. What if he tries to

You are way to involved in this. He is your ex, you don't get to tell him to stay with her. And if she is such a horror, wouldn't you rather your child was away from her? You really need to take a step back from it all! And so what if he wants you back? You surely wouldn't want him after all this!

I think you'd be best advised to keep your nose out of an awful lot of this. Why not just get your head down and carry on writing that book about crushes you were doing last month, OP?

You need to step back and realise that it’s not healthy to be so obsessed by your ex and all the details of his relationships.

It’s got absolutely NOTHING to do with you.

Why are you raking up details from almost 5 yrs ago and putting yourself in the middle of it?

Clearly you haven’t got over your relationship breaking down. But it was a very long time ago now and you need to make your peace with it and stop taking over the details and living in the drama of it all.

Work out what’s relevant to your child NOW, and if there’s anything you need to do to secure his wellbeing.

That’s in terms of making sure he has a continued relationship with his sibling, absolutely not inserting yourself into the middle of your ex and his partners relationship breakdown!

I get that it’s brought back an upsetting time from the past for you, but really, this thread is saying a lot more about you than about them. I really don’t understand what you ‘being postnatal’ (?) has got to do with a relationship breaking down four years later?!

Oh and if you are genuinely thinking that there might be a correlation between the child’s ages and the father walking away... maybe it’s the age when the child is becoming an independent person, and not a cute accessory? Children start to require more of a relationship than the ‘patting on the head’ easy type of relationship some people get away with acting like to babies and toddlers? Treating them more like pets than real people? But at 4yrs, children react more to the negative stuff as well as being grateful for a pat on the head?

Complete random guess though, as 4yrs isn’t exactly a known age for becoming so unappealing that fathers walk away.

I don’t really believe there’s anything in it here either, I think you’re just determined to find a way to put your own stuff into your ex and his partners split.

Not sure why you want this woman in your child’s life so much given you’ve taken out three harassment orders on her...she doesn’t sound a real delight. And as far as their relationship goes it’s not any of your business nor is it your place to tell him what to do.

You can not compare your relationship with theirs.

Is your main fear that you seem to be worried you’ll take him back??

This is all so odd and confusing

You need step back.

You clearly dislike her. He has split from her. It's non of your business or how he explains it to his, and your, son.

Their relationship failing has absolutely nothing to do with your relationship. You really need to step back.

It's a pure coincidence that your son was 4 and their soon is 4 when the splits occurred.

Maybe im wrong telling him to go bck. But y have two kids with diff mums an both have no dad with them full time. I told him ur a mess an sort your life out. Im a single parent working two jobs .. an they cant hold it together as a married partnership. An yet i'm the nutty mother or i am the bad parent.

I don't know where to start with this. You absolutely should not be tell g anyone to get back with their ex. That's not your business and no one should be in a relationship they aren't happy with. That's HIS choice.

And what if he has 2 kids with 2 people. I hate when people judge people for having kids with different people. By the sounds of it, your ex is better off away from her. Again, it's non of your business.

The fact that you manage to run a home as a single parents is, in no way comparative to keeping marriage together. It's not even nearly the same thing.

You are starting to come across a bit obsessed by them.

"You are starting to come across a bit obsessed by them."

Totally agree!

OP Their relationship is nothinh to do with you, Keep out of it.

You sound bitter and obsessed...Mind your own child/business and move on with life.

The four years old business is pure coincidence.

Relationships break up and sometimes there is a child from each.
Let's hope that worthless waste of space doesn't sire another child!
What is he, a rock guitarist?

Let's hope that worthless waste of space doesn't sire another child!

Is that what you think of women who have multiple children, by multiple partners?