My husband is changing and I don't know what to do

[Thinkingofausername1]

I'm not happy in my relationship anymore.
If I try to talk to my husband about stuff I feel needs sorting out, he shouts at me and sometimes this can be when we are in bed.
Not only does he shout at me but he talks to me like shit even reminding me to do something, and reacts if I bring him up on it.
He has recently become quite executive at work. And since I have noticed his behaviour change towards me.
He is having more evening meetings and buying new shirts. He refuses marriage counselling and I think it is so he can control me and shout at me as at counselling he will have to behave.
I'm no saint, I know that I have my faults. But I'm getting fed up of how I'm being treated. He also recently said that he should have the choice of when he kisses me and hugs me, yet when he wants to have sex it's fine for him to want that. So tonight I've deprived him of it, and I've said no and now he's stopped talking to me. I said there is no middle ground it's all or nothing with him. I'm feeling so low tonight and I'm considering leaving.

Tbh it sounds to me like there's an OW in the background, hence his treating you like shit and the sudden change in his appearance.

That's what I wondered. He tells me about his meetings, but because of the frequency of them all of a sudden is leaving me suspicious. He also try's to make me think he's told me some things and I know he hasn't. For example, a new female co worker, he forgot to mention until she came up in conversation and I said who's she?

Regardless of whether there's an OW...he's treating you badly.

You can tell him it stops now or ypur done with him.

That doesn't mean you file for divorce straight off...but you live an independent life until he can treat you with respect.

Don't engage with him. Don't do things you normally would for him. Tell him why this is happening and that he is free to end the marriage if he wants...rather than treat you this way.

Say it calmly and clearly. Don't be gripped by fear and don't tolerate his nonsense.

Do you work?
Do you get out on your own?

Build a social life outside of your marriage too.

Yes I have a social life and lots of friends.
I don't work due to a chronic condition.

Seriously, why would you be with a loser like this? He will only get worse. He’s an abusive waste of space. He is trying to force you into sex with emotional blackmail. Leave now.

My first thought was perhaps he's being intentionally awful in an attempt to get you to end the relationship so he can waltz off looking like the injured party. And yes, affair alarm bells are ringing too.

Op, he's being a total arse. How dare he yell at you?

Sandyy2k has given good advice. Don't do anything for him. Don't have sex with him. Ignore him. Until he realises he's in the wrong and makes amends. Certainly don't accept just an apology. Watch what he does quietly. His actions will tell you whether he values you or not.

Well done for refusing sex with him tonight. Who wants to have sex with a disrespectful shit like him anyway?

Maybe some of his new shirts can get ruined in the wash because you were too upset to follow care instructions?

Sounds like his ego has grown with his promotion.

If you suspect an OW that in itself seems a cause for concern...but the way he is treating you regardless is not reasonable.

Not sure what advice I have...he seems to think he’s very important all of a sudden? Counseling would be a good step to take, even if just on your own so you can work through this situation and how you will handle it?

Thank you all for your responses. I actually thought I was starting to go mad.
This morning he started on me and shouted at me in bed again. Every time I tried to answer him about our argument last night, he blamed me. I said I cannot carry on like this and did he know the reason the dr said I was stressed and burnt out, I now think, is because of the way he treats me emotionally.I have my own demons with my chronic condition to deal with and I don't need added shit if he wants me to have a long fulfilling life, cause the way things are going I'm going to have a heart attack one of these days.
I also said If he can't come to the terms we now need a third party re counselling I cannot be with someone anymore, who treats me so badly and shouts at me instead of showing me respect.
He has a late night meeting tonight which is so convenient for him to start on me so he has the excuse to stay out later. I also noticed yesterday some unusual scratches on his shoulders which makes me wonder if there is also someone else.
I feel sorry for my dd. She came running in to hug me after he stormed of and left for work. I can't keep putting her through this either.

You really can’y. If there’s a child involved you have to put her first. If you stay with him you are setting the template for her to have an abusive partner.