I can't help being a bi*ch!

[Ivy3621]

Long story but just briefly, fiance of 3 years had a melt down at Christmas which is very rare for him and said some hurtful things, including 'hed been thinking about other women lately (none in particular) and so on (we are in massive debt stress after buying a house).

Hes the kind of person that aims to hurt when the need arises. 90% of the time we are fantastic and he is lovely but on that off occasion he's a tw*t.

Anyway, this did some damage to our relationship and I felt it changed us a bit but only in my eyes. Fast forward a few months and he has just become so lazy in bed he just doesn t bother to put any effort in on my behalf but he's quite a lazy person anyway.I have addressed this numerous times and it is resolved for about two weeks.

Fast forward to now and it has got worse. I keep bringing it up and he has started to get a bit defensive . On Saturday i asked him if he doesn't want to make an effort with sex life because I've but on weight and he replied maybe. I have gone up 2 stone from a 12 to a 14 /16. I can understand him thinking this but I just feel humiliated and unloveable and have become very self conscious around him. There is no way I could bring myself to have sex with him now either.

I just feel as if the goal posts of our relationship have changed and I can't bring myself to be around him. Very childish and irrational but that's how I feel.

Just a little extra, I have been dieting for last 3 weeks and lost 8lbs just because I feel so deal about weight gain. My self esteem is at an all time low right now that I don't feel myself.

I read through twice trying to find the bit where you are being a bitch?! I don't like hearing about women feeling they don't have a body that's 'good enough'. I think it's natural that you don't feel like having sex with him since he has implied, at the very least, that it's because of your weight gain. Also, it was rather passive aggressive of him, or even nasty, to say he finds other women attractive - is he trying to chip away at your confidence and self-esteem?

I'm no expert but I do think that people will change their behaviour for a while (in his case a few weeks) but it's common for them to revert back to type in the long-term. Possibly counselling might help for you both to get your real feelings out in the open? The relationship sounds like hard work from your point of view. This pattern you're in of you 'addressing it numerous times' isn't working. Does he avoid a proper 'sit down and discuss' conversation about sex/finding you attractive?

Incidentally, do you mean you've been engaged for three years? If so, is this length down to his laziness? Sorry if not, I just wondered if he's generally a bit crap at making the effort and you're the instigator (i.e. to having good sex, moving into a home, getting married, etc?)

Thanks for the reply.
I cannot bring myself to interact with him properly other than to tell him Has ruined my self esteem. Yes says I've been sulking for 3 says and he didn't even really pay attention to what i was saying when I asked.

He will absolutely hear me out on anything I have to say and he will listen and have sit down discussions but he's introverted and would rather do just that than come up with solutions unless I am at breaking point.

I honestly think he does it to hurt me non the moment. I'm pretty laid back and liberal so outtakes a lot to actively upset me but as you say I think he is actively chipping my self esteem away, I think it may be a deflection.

Either way it's said and I feel shit. I honestly feel like how th e he ll is this going to be sorted even when I lose the weight because I've completely lost my confidence and feel belittled by him now.

So sorry, predictive text is awful on this device.

No, we have been together for 3 and engaged for one. He is very lazy with everything to be honest. I would say I'm t he go better and he's happy to follow or be told what to do (in life).

He has also said that I never instigate but why would I when I feel insecure in the first place?