Constantly afraid

[Cobblersandhogwash]

Does anyone else live like this?

I am frightened of everything.

I stifle my tears when flying so the dc don't clock me. I am petrified.

I am frightened of finding out when I can or want to do job wise that can fit around my family. My current freelancing role doesn't earn us much.

I am frightened of money. Not having any and spending it. We can pay the bills but often it's tight. I have taken three of my dcs away this week and tonight I feel a panic as to what I have done. Dh has to work so couldn't come. I feel like this is totally decadent and will bite me on the bum in weeks to come.

I am terrified of heights. I was in a safe height situation with ds today and I really had to try hard and fight my panic in order to attend to his anxiety. He's only 5 so he's allowed to be scared!

I am frightened of falling out with people so if they're out of order, I simply fade from their view. They then notice this and draw me back in and the cycle begins again.

Where we are on holiday is very active and sporty. Paragliders everywhere. Mountain bikers everywhere. Yet I was scared crossing a windy suspension bridge here. Pathetic.

I need to find a way to not be afraid. I feel like I'm full of what ifs and see the fear in everything. Not even caution. It's fear that stops me. I don't want to infect my dcs with this ridiculousness.

Oh love, I'm sorry, that does sound horrible.

It's not normal. Which might not be nice to hear, but hopefully it means that there's something that can be done to help.

I don't know what that is - I think you need to talk to someone who has helped in these sorts of circumstances before.

I'm not sure how you find that, so sending you these until someone more expert comes along.

I have anxiety issues it sound like you may have issues with anxiety too. Only as it got worse did I realise that some of the things I'd felt before were anxiety. A good example is how I was felt about money even though we both had good jobs. I realised with self help and counselling and cbt that I have patterns of thinking which made my anxiety worse. Almost like worry shortcut in my head! I really think you should go to your GP or seek other mental health support. As it has such an impact on your life and you don't have to live with it.

Don't worry about going to the GP. Just go in and say what you need to or write a list. If going to the GP is too much a mental health charity might be able to help you with the first steps.

I've found once you start talking about it so many people will have had similar experiences.

Thank you for your kind responses.

I think I feel like a fraud. If I try to retrain, I'll be found out.

Sometimes I feel like I bluster and assert myself unnecessarily to disguise all my fear.

I’m the same - i’m just a wuss -laugh it off xxx

Honestly OP I have a fabulous story of getting on a monorail at a zoo with my Mum and kids years ago. Once we were all on my mum turned to speak to me but I wasn’t there and she thought ‘oh ! x didn’t get on ! ‘ But when she realised I was actually lying on the floor amongst everyone’s feet - scared of heights 😂😂

You sound like you have anxiety op. I have it and I have to suppress a lot of my fears. Mindfulness helps. Try the headspace app or see your doc. Xx

OP I work in MH and what you describe is not unusual with someone with anxiety or a mood disorder. Very treatable though, please go and talk with your GP. You sound like you have been hiding it for too long. You must be exhausted... get well soon