SIL

[familywoes9]

So after many many years the penny has dropped with OH about his vile sister! Her own daughter has gone very very low contact and verging on no contact. All the things I've said about her vile behaviour her daughter (DN) is now saying and now he believes me.....

He's saying he's going NC, which I'm pleased about but why didn't he believe me on my own?

I'm between anger and elation.

Well, I assume you’re aware that once you move into the same house as your man, they go through a special secret ceremony that obliviates their ability to hear the exact frequency of your voice? All other frequencies stay in tact.

Good times ahead, OP. Congrats.

@Skittlesandbeer wrong post?

Anyone or is this too vague?

Hahaha that has to be a wrong thread post

@familywoes9 rather than concentrating on the path DH took to get there, celebrate the fact that he has arrived.

Honestly, pick your battles. That isn't one worth being upset over.

Thanks @joberg I think you're right! But it does sort of make me angry, if you know what I mean?

Lots of reasons ...

He loves her
She is his sister
It’s hard to walk away from family
He might of thought you were biased
DN might have been the tipping point

Don’t be elated op there is no winner here. This is a family with issues. He has known her all his life and even though he says he’s done with her - it will still hurt deep down.

Maybe he can feel your elation and just thought you hated her along and didn’t take your words seriously ??

@Thedutchwife maybe no winner but I no longer have to feel bullied, I'm pleased about that! She's been awful to me!

I assumed beerandskittles was saying that men aren't able to hear their wives once they get married. Hence why he didn't listen to you. Selective hearing that only affects the range of your voice?
Anyway. I dunno. Mine does this too

@Thedutchwife he certainly didn't take my words or my hurt seriously but he now understands. She was awful to me.

@madja I see!!! @Skittlesandbeer thank you!

family I’m NC with mil. And I feel settled and relief. Would I feel elated if dh went NC ? No I wouldn’t. Just sad for him.

I’ve not forced or encouraged him to go NC because that’s his own buisness. Are you going NC on the back of dh NC?

@Thedutchwife I'm going NC because I've realised it's not a Me issue! What I've highlighted to DH has now been highlighted completely separately by DN. this is pretty serious stuff! He's now realised that everything he's thought could not be true about his sister is true.

She's been vile to me, really sneakily awful. But like I've said she exposed DN to awful awful sexually predatory men, I was right! DN has now come forward and confirmed that......I knew I was right!

So no, I've got great elation that now she's exposed.

Like I've thought not like I've said

I supppse you could find a way to add At the end of early every sentence ‘but you don’t have to believe me,I’m just your wife - I’ll get dn to talk to you shall I?’
Petty but that’s what I’d be doing for a while. Has he apologised to you?

@timeisnotaline in fairness he's devastated! He's eaten with guilt (justifiably) that he ignored my feelings and concern. We've a long way to go on this!

I also have an utterly vile sil. Stuff that would make your toes curl and even Jeremy Kyle flip his lid. The rest of the family are all normal, and so just ignored her and carried on.

I was the first to go NC ten years ago. She was utterly jealous of me and told
the most ridiculous lies about me to others (no one believes her as she has form). DH reluctantly followed 5 years later after she verbally went for our children. DBIL followed suit two years ago. I feel justified now that I have gone from being the one causing the rift in the family (MIL blamed me because I was the one who said enough is enough), to simply being one of a majority but I also recognize that it is DH and DBIL's family and whilst they don't like her, they will always feel a little depression, for want of a better word, about the situation.

So we rarely, rarely mention her, and when we do, it's quickly dealt with and we move on. I think they will always feel sad that their relationship with their sibling has turned out this way, family Sunday lunches will never be complete again etc.

If I was you, I would just move on. Have the little victory in your head and never show it to DH.