SIL presuming she will be godmother

[flamingox]

I've posted a previous thread about my MIL being unreasonable about breastfeeding and now my SIL has opened another can of worms.

She has two children and both of her brothers are god fathers to one child each (hope that makes sense!).

We are expecting a baby girl, her first niece/nephew. At a family gathering over the weekend she was talking about how she is excited to be an auntie but also excited to be a god mother as she has no god children.

Neither DP or myself have discussed christening/god parents with anyone so she has just presumed that she will be godmother.

I don't have the greatest relationship with her - over the years she hasn't been overly pleasant to me and as a result I try to keep her at arms length so I don't want her as a godparent.

I have told DP this - he has accepted it but has said it will cause problems/upset in the family.

How do I approach this?!

Ignore it? Don't christen the child in the first place?

Don't have any godparents. It's an outmoded religious concept, they don't do anything. What's the point?

Don’t engage with it unless she asks you directly.

If you and your partner do decide to christen your little girl then he needs to tell her she’s not godparent. His circus, his monkey.

Are you planning on Christening your child anyway?

Yes, ignore. Let here carry on assuming and make your own plans.

Singlenotsingle they support the child emotionally and spiritually. If you’re no Christian is might be meaningless to you but it’s not to others.

If you’re planning on baptising your child, bring up the conversation and when she bangs on about being fairy bloody godmother, tell her you haven’t chosen godparents or you aren’t having family, it’s tradition in your family or some other bollocks. Simple.

It's an outmoded religious concept, they don't do anything.

Wow. What madness.

OP... choose who you want as Godmother. Can the relationship get any worse.

Don't let het be the GM for an easy life.

Ask a priest what you should do

Why ask a priest? She knows she doesnt want her SIL as GM.

IME, godparents are not relatives anyway... Maybe I'm out of touch but I find the idea of your baby's actual AUNT wanting so desperately to be her godmother too somewhat strange...

Who do you want to be godmother?
You could just ask them, and tell her that there was a special reason for asking this person.

You can have 2 godmothers also if you want to.

Another thing, if you plan on having more children, you may end up having SIL as godmother at some stage anyway so it might be nice to have someone so excited about the job for your first baby.

As they say in Willy Wonka though, she is ‘presumptuous and rude’ to be forcing herself into the job.

Good luck.

You could have no family members as godparents and say that you don't believe in family as godparents, or don't get her christened.

Tricky.

Don't feel forced to ask her anyway if you're not close.

Choose your godmother then get your H to tell her and explain why you chose this particular person (be creative if necessary).

You could do what me brother and sil did. They told me that they were choosing God parents based on who they thought would have the most successful career and so who would be best able to improve their dcs' prospects when the were older. They have a lot of dcs and I was never asked to be a god parent........

Why didn't you shut her down straight away?
I would have made a quick jokey comment, she's getting ahead of herself and you already have godparents in mind (even if you didn't).
Nobody has dismissed her comment so of course she will see that as you in agreement.

neolara I think that’s sadly prevalent. I learned once I was going to be asked to be a GP because I was likely to buy good birthday/Christmas gifts for the child, and I’d probably be pleased to babysit regularly. I declined when asked as not being able to fulfil the spiritual guidance role

I had this issue with my sister. She forced herself into the bridesmaid role with pressure and assistance from both my parents. I decided that not getting our son christened was the least stressful option.

Can you say that you want as many loving adults in DC’s lives as possible and she, as aunt, will be one of those anyway so you want to widen DC’s circle of adults who care

So DH is godparent to her child?

If someone is already an aunt or uncle I've never understood why they would be chosen godparent, as presumably they already have a tie that binds....

Are you even religious?

Very presumptuous of your sil. Do you intend to have your baby christened? I would ignore her and do what you want.
I have a godchild. I always sent birthday and Christmas presents and took her out to a show or the cinema followed by a restaurant a couple of times a year. Now she is an adult, we have a nice relationship where she can discuss some personal stuff with an older woman wOman who isn't a family member.

What i find cheeky about this is that she hasn't even taken into account your family! !