Ex - can people change ?

[rockstarchick22999]

Exactly that?
Can they?
Please help me
I'm in such a state
I left my boyfriend who was anger anger management issues
It ended badly and it was very very messy and after a couple of months I took him back
I couldn't get over him and I don't know why
I was sad and miserable with him
I was sad miserable and lonely without him
Anyway he promised he would change and try have more patience
He had a short fuse. Get annoyed sigh and huff
After 4 years I had enough
Anyway Things aren't better
We are arguing
He doesn't seem sorry
And everything seems to be my fault?!
I can't seem to move on
I have a lo
She's fine and happy
With or without him to be honest
And I do be want to spend the summer holidays feeling like
This
I'm so down I feel sick, anxious and no one understands as I can't talk to anyone about him as they hate him with a passion
Please help me x

I hate him too and I haven't met him. Raise your standards, you deserve better and life is too short to stick with a bad tempered fucker especially with a child.

Put him behind you and have a happy life.

To change deep seated patterns like anger takes a lot of effort as its about challenging his beliefs. I.e we get angry when we expect something to go the way it should.

These patterns are often set up in childhood and the brain is wired/triggered to respond tp certain situations. Most angry men don't change.

If people close to you hate him that is the biggest red flag.

You are likely to have gone back because of habit and feeling a void. You will get ocer him, consider the impact on your daughter and do it for her...no one needs an angry partner around their children.

People can change but it takes years and they need to put effort in to change.
I divorced my angry ex 7 years ago, I still love him but I know I did the right thing

Its like I knew this but guess needed to hear it
Today's the first day I've blocked and told myself it can't work
I feel so alone and sad but I know I can't keep giving him chances
I feel like there's more to life than constantly being let down and feel like being alone and sad is better then being alone and sad with him
X

People can change but usually they don't. It's really hard to break things off with someone you love, but if he doesn't treat you with respect it's better in the long term to cut off all contact. There are lots and lots of decent men in the world - accept nothing less.

That's very true and sadly I think what I've learnt
However I think I know it's over
And I just have to learn to be happy again and enjoy my life
It just seems so hard right now
I'm tearful not eating and worried about everything
All trying to keep my lo happy and hold it together for her xx

there's more to life than constantly being let down and feel like being alone and sad is better then being alone and sad with him

This is absolutely 100% right.

Think about your life if you stay - in a year's time what will be different? Nothing. He has proved that already.

Now think about what life will be like if you leave now. You will get over him. You will go through a grieving process for the relationship, and you will come out the other side. You might have a lonely few months while you adjust - but you won't be where you are now. You will be somewhere better.

There is so much more to life, and if you stay with him you won't get to experience it.

Please leave.

He’ll only change if he decides to. For that he needs to accept that his behaviour is wrong. That usually doesn’t happen, which is why most angry men don’t change.

Well done blocking him 👍

The loneliness will fade as you begin to feel the sense of freedom.

It's comforting to get this advice because I do feel I've already started the grievance process
But because I keep going back I also have the highs when everything is perfect and feels amazing to be bought back down again when things go wrong

I've tried to hard but he hasn't and what has made me block
Him today is after another argument which is all we've done since lo split up and I told him I'm not doing this through the summer holidays
He basically has spent the last few months telling me that is 50/50 and at first he was sorry and going to make it up to me to now not taking any responsibility
He promised he would go back to anger management and now he won't even think about it
I fell back into the trap and I'm so very drained
No contact is the only way
X