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Original poster

My Ex broke NC - now I don't know what to do

22 replies

RunsforCake14 · 23/07/2018 10:53

I met someone online at the beginning of last year. We got on well from the first date. But then a few weeks before Christmas he ended it.
He didn't really have a reason, just said he felt it wasn't working for him.

I was very upset as I didn't see it coming and didn't understand what had happened. It was my first relationship since my 20yr long marriage ended, so I didn't handle the break-up very well as it was new territory for me. But initially we stayed friendly until I found out he'd been seeing someone new within about a week of ending it with me. I accused him of cheating which he denied and then he cut all contact with me.

Out of the blue this weekend I got a message from him just saying 'hi, how are you?'. I told him I was surprised to hear from him and we exchanged a few texts. Then he asked if I was free to meet up that evening.

We met for about an hour. Chatted about life, work etc. At no point did he explain why he had suddenly got in touch. But it was friendly. He apologised for hurting me. And he also said he'd been single for quite a while.

As I left I said it was nice to see him and he should keep in touch if he wanted to catch up again. He said he'd text me some time in the week. Then he kissed me on the cheek and as I turned to leave he pulled me into a proper kiss. I kissed him back but then said I had to go. I didn't understand what was going on but didn't want to get into a discussion about it at that moment.

I sent him a text the following morning just to say it was good to see him. I didn't want him to think I had rejected him by walking away. He's read the message but hasn't replied. That was over 24hrs ago.

So now I don't know what to do. I don't want to chase him if he just got caught up in the moment but my head is a complete mess as I don't know what he's thinking. I'm sure he will message me eventually but the waiting is killing me.

OP posts:
JustlikeDevon · 23/07/2018 11:20

He's using you. He is after a shag so flicked through his contacts to see who he can successfully chase. He will hurt you again. Sorry that was a bit brutal!!

Rebecca36 · 23/07/2018 11:28

Leave it runsforcake, move on and find someone else.

Singlenotsingle · 23/07/2018 11:31

Don't waste your life waiting. He was trying it on!

PuertoVallarta · 23/07/2018 11:34

Forget him. He's immature.

I wish I could make myself run for cake, though. I can't run for anything.

Olikingcharles · 23/07/2018 11:39

Move on run he will only hurt you again. Been there myself.

SandyY2K · 23/07/2018 11:41

Why did you bother meeting up with him after getting dumped and him blocking you?

It now gives him the impression you're a bit keen and it's obvious you've not found anyone else.

ohfourfoxache · 23/07/2018 11:45

Run as fast as you can.

He only wants a shag. He’s already shown you he’s a dick, why on Earth are you going back for more? You’re worth a million of him

Secretsquirrel252 · 23/07/2018 11:46

There are loads of single men out there who haven't screwed you around. Don't repeat a mistake.

HeyDolly · 23/07/2018 11:49

It was trying it one to see if he was still in with a chance if he wanted one.

Block, delete and not engage further with him.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 23/07/2018 11:51

He fancied a shag, didn't have any other prospects and thought you were a soft target. I'm afraid it's that simple.

Block, forget and move on.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 23/07/2018 11:53

Also, unfortunately you've now made it clear that your self-esteem is low and you'll tolerate being treated any old way. For your own sanity, I'd not be in the dating market until you've got your head together a bit.

Namethecat · 23/07/2018 11:54

I'm probably older than you but I'd recognise that as a booty call. Leave him where he deserves to be, in the past.

Trinity66 · 23/07/2018 11:58

He fancied a shag, didn't have any other prospects and thought you were a soft target. I'm afraid it's that simple.

Block, forget and move on.

Yeah hate to say it but I think it's this ^ If he had regrets about breaking up with you and wanted to try again he would have had a conversation with you about it, the fact he just went straight in for the kiss meant he was looking for a shag and thought you wouldn't refuse him, he sounds like a prick, you're well rid

Original poster
RunsforCake14 · 23/07/2018 13:56

Thanks for the reality check everyone. It's what I thought which is why I walked away as I thought he might try to persuade me to go back to his place.
For the record, I've found out that he didn't cheat on me. But he did meet someone very quickly after ending it with me.
I guess I was hoping he wanted to be friends again but his lack of contact since the weekend suggests otherwise.

OP posts:
magoria · 23/07/2018 14:04

He had another person lined up which is why he dumped you and cut contact. He didn't 'cheat' as he dumped you a week before getting with her but I would bet she was already in the background.

Now he is (probably) single you will do until the next better woman comes along.

user7680 · 23/07/2018 14:10

I totally agree with @JustlikeDevon

holrosea · 23/07/2018 14:21

You have already reached your own conclusions and I heartily agree with all other PP (he was trying his luck, block, delete, forget) but this:

It's what I thought which is why I walked away as I thought he might try to persuade me to go back to his place

Trust your instincts! If you feel like you are being taken for a ride, being used or are just plain uncomfortable, you have no need to justify yourself and can/should walk away whenever you like. The aim is to find someone with whom you have a great mutual feeling, you are not obliged to put up with his BS. Flowers

MiniMimi00 · 23/07/2018 14:35

He wants a shag and suspects that you're not over him.
He knows he wouldn't have to try too hard to reel you back in again.

Shock the fucker.
Ignore, block, delete.

xxconfusedxx · 23/07/2018 18:36

Agree with Magoria! He had someone lined up hence why he dumped you and cut all contact - things haven't worked out with her now he's moved back to you. The grass wasn't greener for him but for you, you had a lucky escape from a man who would treat you like this!

TacoLover · 23/07/2018 18:45

He is definitely just after a shag.

he'd been seeing someone new within about a week of ending it with me. I accused him of cheating

But this is not cheatingGrin

Original poster
RunsforCake14 · 23/07/2018 21:12

TacoLover I know it's not cheating if he started seeing her after he finished with me but without going into lots of detail there were other indications that seem to imply he had met her before he finished with me. I've since found out that wasn't true (from an independent source).

OP posts:
joberg · 23/07/2018 21:26

I am sorry he is messing with you OP. You deserve better. Hold your head high.

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