100% regret abortion

[Cocoloco84]

Judgmental and harsh posters completely welcome, I'm sick of people being nice to me after I've done something so terrible.

Found out I was pregnant in June to a very casual relationship after believing I was infertile. Decided to keep the baby even though I have a DD already and a job where I have to travel.a fair bit. No help offered from the father. I had a heavy bleed early on, and assumed I'd miscarried. I went for a scan to check and I was 10 weeks. I panicked, and took the abortion pill there and then, and went for medical abortion the next day (Friday gon). I ended up seeing the baby (Sorry, can't bear simply naming it 'the fetus'). I've been absolutely devastated ever since. It was the worst experience of my.life, yet I chose this so I fully accept I deserve this pain. Seeing this tiny lifeless baby, who had fully depended on me as a lifeline that I willingly cut off... to say him heartbroken is the understatement of the century. As soon as if seen him it all became real and I just wanted to turn back the clock and not go through with it. Anyone out the had the same?? I honestly don't know how to carry on. If it wasn't for my DD, I'd have killed myself by now, but I can't do this for her sake.

Sorry for typos

Oh bless you have you got anyone you can talk to in RL? Take care

I can't bring myself to tell anyone in RL. I've told the dad, but he's been ignoring me since Friday, no response at all since.

You did what was right for you at the time and for your daughter.

Don't be harsh on yourself. You are not bad or evil.

Ask your go to refer you for some counselling and talk through it.

GP*

Youre not bad or evil. You did what you thought was right at the time.

Focus on the child you have...because another baby with a father who isnt interested would not have been easy.

Be kind to yourself.

You poor thing. Abortion is a shitty thing to go through. I had 2 (very early ones) but chose to be knocked out both times so I didn’t have to see anything, as I could imagine it being as traumatic as you describe.

It sounds like you had got your head around the fact you’d miscarried and there would be no baby, and then made a hasty decision based on the positives you’d worked through in your head in terms of not having the baby. Those things are still completely valid, I have had 2 dc in far from ideal circumstances and it’s been bloody hard going it alone. Be kind to yourself, and try to focus on the positives of not having a baby (your existing dd and career). FWIW, my first dd has suffered massively because of dd2 and the fact she’s got no dad, it has meant that for years she’s had nowhere near the amount of attention she was used to and deserves. And dd2 has a gaping dad sized hole in her life which is not easy for her to get her head around.

Sorry, rambling a bit. The pain will fade, I promise, it’s all very raw right now I know.

Darling

Please have a look on this forum: passboards.org You will find so much brilliant support and understanding there. It's a very safe space exclusively for people who have been or are going through the same emotions as you. No one will judge you there, but no one will dismiss your grief either. Be gentle with yourself.

You poor poor thing. I understand. I regretted my abortion too that I had 15 years ago.

The pain goes over time but allow yourself to feel it. And get some counselling.

Thank you all for the replies. I have an appointment today, with a nurse practitioner as there were no doctors appointments available, I'm hoping they can do counsellor referrals still

I'm so sorry you are going through. X

I'm sorry to do this, but just in case anyone is reading this in similar circumstances, a 10 week foetus does not look like a tiny lifeless baby, and there is no way of telling what sex it is.

OP- I am sorry you are feeling so devastated. It's very early days though, and the reasons you had the abortion will come back to you. It's quite normal to feel some regret even if you know that you have done absolutely the right thing. Humans have complicated feelings. Give yourself time-these dreadful feelings will pass.

Big hugs. Take some time out. Abortion can be really hard as its such a loaded procedure emotionally, plus physically youre possibly in a hormone crash which can be similar to baby blues.

I had a tough few weeks after my abortion but it did pass.

Might not work for everyone but i got myself a little pet i could focus on after mine. Sounds silly but that tiny hamster gave me a focus and the bad feelings passed and it was easier to remember the reasons why i did it and see why it was the right decision

Try tell a friend in RL you need support

Do not be so harsh on yourself please, I had an abortion 6 years ago because of similar circumstances the father didn’t want the baby and I had feared losing him over the child, i was 10 weeks too so I took the tablets. I can still feel the physical & emotional pain like it was yesterday. I have a 16month old now and I always tell myself I have two babies. I didn’t want to get rid of the baby but I did just to keep someone else happy.

I know it’s not advice but I just wanted you to know there are people out here who have been through an abortion & totally regret every part of it too you’re not alone in feeing this way.

I think somthing that did help me was talking to my friends and family about it (at the time my mum thought I was disgusting) but my brothers, sisters and friends all know about it now and it kind of feels nice that other people know you once had a baby, even though they’ve gone they were once there.

I found speaking to my partner made things worse just because I knew he didn’t actually care how upset I was because he’s the one that wanted me to do it, so I’d advise you not to speak to him if he wanted you to abort because you’ll only be sat there thinking “you don’t fucking understand though”

Hope you feel better soon and just think of your DD, sending you love 💕