I've posted on here before and feel very supported by the messages I've received. It's good to have a site where you can be honest and not feel criticised. Anyway - ongoing situation with DP, very controlling and domineering, verging on the emotionally abusive, with anger issues and bullying tendencies - have been trying to deal with this for 18 or so years but as I get older (am no spring chicken) feel more and more enmeshed. He recently received a large sum of money from the sale of the parental home (he gave up work some 30 years ago due to a traumatic divorce and looked after his parents, hence the payout) but chooses to live part-time with me in my very tiny house, (two up two down), and part of the time with his father who has gone to live abroad. He spends the day on his computer or watching TV or reading and maybe walking along the beach (there) or shopping (here - but only for bargains), with no responsibilities and not a care in the world. I on the other hand am living on a low income and watching my retirement plans disappear as my 94-year old mother eats into her savings (my inheritance) to pay for her care, and see myself having to carry on working forever in order to keep going. To his credit when he is around he does give me money, and pays for a lot for my mum too and looks after her needs, and is definitely a financial cushion, however it's all a bit ad hoc with no real agreement and what's more concerning, no real plan for the future. When I try to raise the subject it leads to a row, he says I could just enjoy the current situation if I was more accommodating and less angry. However I feel almost insanely jealous now at the disparity in our financial situation and lifestyles, and also guilty for feeling like that. He also says that I should have thought about my finances many years ago, when he first told me to get a job that had a proper pension (I have always been self-employed, which I enjoyed) or paid much better. I really don't know if I should be putting my foot down and demanding that we make plans to safeguard my future, or whether to indeed accept that if I don't make a fuss and go along with things then it may well work out. But he changes all the time, one day saying that 'we' will be ok financially and the next implying he will not be supporting me (he once said that if we married and divorced he would be scared I would fleece him of all his money) and it's crazy-making. He has given me quite a bit of money in the past (paying for two cars one of which I wrecked and some expensive dental treatment and work on my house) and I think that if push comes to shove he will demand that all back. I don't want to cut off my nose to spite my face but I am desperate to know what to do and if I have a right to be angry or am just being unreasonable and growing bitter because of my own insecurity and anxiety. When I think of moving on it seems impossible - I don't know how I would begin to confront him or even if I could survive without him.