Abusive message I can’t open

[Panicmode13]

I’m completely panicking and verging on the edge of a full blown panic attack. Received a message on Facebook messenger - which has been filtered and blanked out by Facebook as it was identified as abusive. I have a very inactive social life, 0 drama except my ex, and haven’t had any significant arguments or disagreements in a very long time with anyone. So i can’t think who else it could be related to.

Condensed backstory -

A couple of months ago I finished with an emotionally (and infrequently physically) abusive relationship - calling it a relationship is a real stretch in hindsight.

NC with him despite having DC (his choice completely). He was a liar, cheat, had multiple children with multiple different women (only found out recently), and I think started working cash in hand to avoid paying CMS.

He is a genuinely horrible person with no conscience so I was really anxious after we finished things completely that he would want revenge on me somehow for not putting up with his shit anymore. And for the fact I contacted CMS - I didn’t do this out of spite or to anger him, we struggle badly financially but now I’m terrified he’s going to try and harm me somehow or is getting someone else to message abuse. He can be violent and has been arrested for it previously

Am I completely jumping the gun here? WWYD? I’m so angry Facebook filtered and blocked it because now I have no way to find out what it was! He knows where I live obviously, should I cancel the CMS claim? It almost doesn’t seem worth it anymore as he has hundreds in arrears and no intention to pay. If it goes further no doubt he will have an even bigger grudge to bare. I’m completely panicking

Breathe.

I've no idea what you should do. I'd be inclined not to seek revenge with CMS claim purely to ensure he's out of your life forever

I agree. No point provoking him if you're never going to get the money anyway. It goes against the grain but c'est la vie

it will probably be a dick pic, im not being sacarstic or funny, its common for single women profiles to get sent them.
Facebook sometimes block them, sometimes they get through

Any chance of contacting FB and asking if they can confirm the nature of the blocked message as you have ongoing concerns for your real life safety and want to know if the message needs referring to the police.

Curious - i had no intention of revenge against him, just struggling financially and he’s fairly well off and is a complete tightwad. This is the longest I’ve been without seeing him in years and the headspace has made me realise he could be dangerous ..

Single - yes this is how I’m beginning to see it too - he isn’t on BC and I doubt he would try and challenge that. It’s shitty he’s swindled the system to try and avoid paying but I feel like I’m poking a hornets nest and value my peace of mind more than an extra bit of money..

Brand new - I have no idea, I saw it and panicked straight away. I am in some Facebook groups I comment on a lot but I can’t imagine anyone sending me abuse or a dick pic from that. And then again my ex has my number so fb messenger seems a weird way to do it unless it was someone on his behalf? God knows . X

Whatever the motivation, I think you'd be better off cutting all ties including that claim. Just my tuppenny's worth as he sounds dangerous. Good luck.

That's happened me before, I would guess it was just a random spammer or prob a dick pic.
It's pretty common & prob entirely unrelated to your ex.

PerspicaciaTick - I may actually try this, thanks. I’ve kept all previous messages / screenshots from him as evidence too in case he tries lying or doing anything shifty. I know if you message someone and then block them they can’t see who the message is from so I’m wondering if someone has done that on his behalf so I can’t link it back to him 😳

FannyFifer - really?! I’ve never heard of that happening before - I thought it must have been some awful abuse or threats to have been censored by FB - so that’s reassuring; thank you x

Sorry you're going through this. Without wanting to over-simplify a complex situation, isn't it better that people can't use FB to send you abusive messages? If your ex wants to get in touch (hopefully he won't) he can use another medium. Anyone else is unimportant.

If this is causing you significant anxiety, would it be worth deactivating FB for a short period? Not a solution obviously, but may mean one fewer stress trigger at a tough time.

Honestly it's pretty common. They often used to end up in the spam/other folder bit.

I am in some Facebook groups I comment on a lot but I can’t imagine anyone sending me abuse or a dick pic from that.

You'd be amazed at how some peoples minds work. I was in a FB group where we swapped restaurant recommendations for people with food allergies - all very innocuous, and one day out of the blue received a vile, incredibly intimidating message from someone in the group who I'd never even interacted with. Some people just spew venom at random
for you - I well remember the stress of being freshly out of an abusive relationship and constantly looking over your shoulder, the panic attacks, waking up in the night etc. Once he's truly out of your life it does start to get better. Perspicacia makes a good suggestion.

Redcar - I can completely understand why they filter abuse but I think it’s just the not knowing that’s making me anxious. I have no way to know his mood or tone if it is him, or if I have anything to worry about. I can’t imagine him contacting me for a chat.. it would only be some sort of drama or negativity . Deactivating might be a good idea while it’s still early days, thank you

Gilligans- that’s awful - I guess that is a possibility then, how weird of them to message you like that!

Thank you, the last couple of weeks there have been a few peaceful (very nearly happy) days where I haven’t been stressed out over him and what happened and I’ve been enjoying the summer with DC. I know there’s a very long way to go and I’m far from ‘over it’ but it does feel like a glimmer of hope!

After a quick google the most common reasons for this is someone's account being hacked, and random spammers.
If lots of folk report the spammer or account being hacked then that message appears.
Honestly try not to worry it will have been random. X