No good for anyone .. :-(

[anniefin]

My partner of 24 years as just told me I'm a useless, fat, smelly bastard with grey hair that no one likes, that my own family hate me and my kids hate me!! He as said all this in front of of our 3 year old DD..*

It all started 4 1/2 years ago when I became friends with a male who had similar interests as me. We were friends.

We no longer talk to each other, or have any form of contact due to my partners insecurities. I didn't mind,my family and my relationship came before anything else.*

It's nothing I haven't heard before but this time it's gone out of control.
*
Fast forward to 3 nights ago, my OH woke me up demanding to see my phone, which I gave to him. He was looking through everything but would not give me it back .* I later found out that throughout
the night he delete people off my fb, unblocked people ( my ex friend and his wife) so he could send messages, to my ex friend telling him to come round and f me, and sent messages to his wife from my fb telling her i was still seeing him!!!

I cannot understand why he as started like this but he as just told me I need to put my head in a sink of water until I can't breath any more...

I feel so alone. I'm living in a house with him that his mum and dad own. I don't have anywhere to go. My kids are dd 3 and ds 11. What can I do??
The kids know something is wrong as I'm sleeping in bed with our son.
By no means am I innocent in anything, I smashed his phone up 3 nights ago as he wouldn't give me my phone back. No, I shouldn't have done it, but when I'm woken up at 2.30am accused of having an affair I'm not exactly rational.
I am constantly being called a whore, slag, bitch. It seems normal now 😥. The kids don't even flinch when he starts on me, unless he is accusing them of not being his kids!!
I really do want to protect my kids from any further abuse but don't know how to go about it. I don't have any money of my own, I have to ask him for money, when, and if I need it and I provide receipts when I've been shopping just to show I've spent money on what's needed.

This isn't the first time he as accused me of having an affair or name calling, but this is the worst it as been so far.
I know for mine and my kids sake we need to leave but I don't have anywhere to go or any money to get us anywhere.

I feel like I'm constantly walking on egg shells in case something sets him off.
My anxiety levels are through the roof, only relaxing when he is at work.
I don't even sleep on a night any more, I'm just waiting for him to come wake me up making unreasonable demands.

I know this situation isn't healthy for any of us, but I'm struggling to find a property that will take dss and a dog.

Sorry for the long post but I needed to get it all off my chest after all this time. Thank you for reading 😥xx

He sounds incredibly insecure and damn right nasty! You do not have to be ok with this.

I can understand insecurities to some level after being cheated on, but you're being open and allowing him to look etc so why is he continuing this behaviour.

If you're not happy, you don't need to accept this. The behaviour is not normal and he isn't treating you right. If he thinks you're all these horrible things, find someone else who thinks you're beautiful just the way you are!

Call Women’s Aid.

Do you have any family that could help you? You do need to leave, you deserve happiness x

I wish it was so easy just to up and leave. Unfortunately I don't have any family I can turn to or tell about about problems so I feel so alone.

I picture myself and our kids living in our own home, without any worries or stresses from anyone- but I don't know how to achieve all this.
My OH is constantly telling me how useless I am, such a waste of space, I've sort of resigned myself to a life of this, even though it's not what I want for my kids. I just feel so alone dealing with this. Thank you for reading

OUT! You have to leave that relationship for your kids sake as well as your own. Your kids should not be hearing their mother being disrespected and that kind of language. They will have a warped idea of what a relationship should be like. Best to be alone than in a relationship with that!!
Ask for help! Call the helplines...see CAB....you will be entitled to benefits etc, for God's sake get out of that relationship xx

He went into his bedroom about 30 minutes ago so I thought I could settle down with with my 2 children in my DS double bed. He got up and went Dow stairs about 20 minutes ago, as though things were ok! Asking me if I was having any chicken with him? Then asked if I was having any tea with him. I told him no both times but I'm sore he seems to think he's done nothing wrong. I'm fed up of sleeping 'with one eye open' in case he kicks off about anything

See a solicitor. Once I had declared a date of separation I claimed benefits and found a house to rent.
Filed for divorce 2 weeks later, then told dh when I had somewhere to go.
Most landlords take ddogs with a small deposit these days.

Turn up at the Council tomorrow morning and tell them you are homeless. You’ll have to leave the dog with that asshole but they will house you and children. First in temporary accommodation then in a flat / house.

Ring a few animal charities and ask about fostering until you are settled. I fostered a cat for a family who fled to a refuge. Had him 6 months and then he went back.

It's a common issue for women: Women's Aid Pet Fostering Links

Check the links and talk to Women's Aid and other relevant organisations.

If you contact your council housing and explain they have people who can help. You may have to live in temporary accommodation for a while but at least you will sleep without “one eye open”. If you can bide your time make an exit plan. Open your own bank account, get any child benefits paid into it. I hope you are ok xx

I am sorry you are going through this. You must feel so stressed and uneasy.
Would you consider going into a refuge? You and your children will get one to one support and they can help you rebuild your life after abuse.

For you x

This is extreme emotional and psychological abuse....please contact women's aid, has he been physically abusive towards you ??? ...you and your children do not need to live this kind of existence

I endured years of abuse and it has had such a detremental effect on my children, these little human beings know and feel more than they are given credit for believe me.

There is help there if you truly need it all you need to do is mean it enough and reach out, believe me I know it's hard and you feel like you haven't a friend or person in the world who cares about you .....HE WANTS YOU TO FEEL THAT WAY SO YOU ARE DEPENDANT ON HIM, HE WANTS YOU TO FEEL WORTHLESS..... it got to the point where I was like "fuck this for a life" he wants to keep you down and make you feel like this because he knows you are worth so much more than him, and deep down you k ow that too please inbox me if you want to chat, LIVING WITH A DOMINATOR: a book on the freedom programme. Please please get your hands on this, also FREEDOMS FLOWERS this will give you a whole new perspective on what the children go through without you even realising it. I can't tell you how much my life has changed in the past 5 months, believe in yourself