Hello there,
I am in great need of advice on how to get her out of my head.
We met a year ago and worked together for less than a week. All I remember is that I went home one day and told my partner this woman at work fancies me(and having a laugh about it; she is into women, me , a woman as well, never been)and the next day I couldn't keep away from her.
We started texting a lot, we do not work in the same place though, and from then on I got on an emotional roller coaster. The fact that I couldn't stop thinking about a woman did not even matter to me for a few days, then I started reading on it and just discovered that crushes on same sex were just as normal as the opposite sex ones. I waited patiently for a while for it all to go away, but it just would't. A few weeks later I stopped contact and it all started to go away. Until she called.From then on we were texting daily and she kept sending pictures of herself and while trying to keep conversations to a platonic level I could not stop thinking about her. When a few days went past without talking I would get annoyed, and when we were in touch just through a silly text I would be over the moon at first. Her friendship just kept me calm and happy and made me not concentrate on my partner's annoying moments. We've been together a very long time and went through a lot together, however we love each other deeply.
I went through all sorts of emotions: elation, happiness, guilt, trying to listen to the rational voice in my head while fighting restlessness. I decided to try and be her friend although I knew that the only thing that helped was to cut contact. I did that almost 6 months ago and she is still there, in the back of my mind. What I thought was the ultimate thing to work, just did not seem to do the trick any longer. She knew something was going on, some days when I look at it I am so sure she liked me more than just a friend, some days I just think it may have been all in my head.
What more can I do? I get so annoyed with myself sometimes for not being able to get back to my old self.