I have MH issues due to neglect as a child and am suffering complex ptsd as a result.
My mother died several months ago and although she neglected me and was often very unkind to me as a child. I am grieving hugely.
I was in therapy last year before M died to try to deal with the complex ptsd. I also had time off work. I had to stop therapy as ran out of money.
When M died I gave up work as the stress was unbearable.
I've just restarted work in a different job which I'm finding very difficult as it's in an area focused on protecting children.
I have an appt with Occ Health pending and I'm wondering just what to say to them.
I feel very resentful there was no one around to protect me when I was growing up. (70s). I also feel I will struggle with the work as there will be huge MH triggers for me. I struggle enough to regulate my emotions as it is.
Already this weekend I hate myself as I've spent most of it weeping / shouting at DS/DP and just walking out of the house and up & down the road in tears. Am I having some kind of MH crisis?
I feel pathetic & inadequate to do my new job. I feel scared. I feel like the scared 6 year old I was.
I make bad relationship choices as I am constantly seeking 'ideal / unconditional love'.
I know I will never get this as an adult. I know i expect DP to be like a surrogate parent and he can't be.
I feel too fucked up to parent DS.
What can I do? I feel pretty hopeless at the moment.