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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex DP winding me up...why?

8 replies

coldlocation · 22/07/2018 09:56

I ended my relationship as it was not working for me. Ex DP was gutted, wanted to be with me forever, said I was the love of their life, that I was 'wrong' in wanting to end the relationship, I could choose instead to be loved by DP 'until the day you die', how could I just stop loving someone, did I know how cruel I was being, how much they were hurting, that I was throwing away my one shot at lifelong happiness etc. etc. It took ages to really part properly but I stuck to my guns and ended it. Ex DP wanted to remain friends, I said perhaps down the line but we did see each other a couple of times post split for coffee and to hand back stuff from each others houses. I made it clear on both occasions I could not stay long, that I did not want to re kindle the relationship etc.

Ex DP carried on being maudlin, sending 'I love you' texts etc. I ignored or replied with platitudes. ExDP then texted to ask if I minded that they were going on a date, I said of course not as we were not a couple and was delighted they were moving on. Succession of long texts then started arriving 'aren't you angry with me?'...erm no, 'what went wrong between us, could we have avoided an unhealthy pattern'....erm no we were too different and for me the attraction had gone so please look forward not back.

Then 24 hours later 'I thought I'd better let you know I'm seeing someone' ....great, that's lovely, hope you're happy together, all the best.

Since then exDP has been publicising the new relationship all over facebook - 'in a relationship', photos of every event/outing they take. I've blocked, unfollowed etc but mutual friends keep telling me and think that they are certain that the posts are being put up to rile me (Ex DP hated fb and mocked me for using it and I never posted anything about our relationship or any pics without permission but equally would get totally sulky if I put up pics of my kids on an outing we'd all be on and didnt tag/mention DP....'you are editing me out of your life').

Ex DP has latterly been messaging me, or asking mutual friends to tell me that they are or aren't going to various events that they know I'm likely to attend and that we attended together in the past. I've ignored these messages. Yesterday at one of the public events Ex DP and new partner came walking up to me intertwined stroking and touching each other to say hi, I was waiting in line at the cashpoint in a big queue so it was hard to walk away. I said 'oh hi' and turned back to waiting the queue, they remained stood right by me, snogged then walked off.

Just why! Why? These are rational adults in their late 40's.

Why does it make me feel angry, I shouldn't care I ended the relationship and don't fancy exDP but I'm left feeling foolish and hyper aware of my own (chosen) single status.

OP posts:
Aussiebean · 22/07/2018 10:10

Because he is making a point.

Look what you could have had!!!

Ignore. Even roll your eyes at them. Tell your friends to stop passing on messages and block.

He wants you to regret the break out and beg him back.

mydogmymate · 22/07/2018 10:37

It looks like you made the right decision by ending it. He sounds very immature. By blocking and ignoring, he will soon get bored and move on. Good luck!

Furx · 22/07/2018 10:40

I would have need tempted to say to the new partner

‘Just watch yourself if you ever dump him, he’s a really needy little tosser who just cannot let go... as you can see’

DCITennison · 22/07/2018 10:40

He’s embarrassing himself.
Take every instance of this behaviour as validation of your decision to end things.

AgentJohnson · 22/07/2018 10:55

Oh dear, you’re well rid. Just keep ignoring him and reminding yourself that this level of immaturity and self absorption is why you are no longer with him. Much better to be single, than be in a relationship with a 40 year old behaving like a 14 year old.

disappearingninepatch · 22/07/2018 11:23

Agree with pp. Tell your friends you are not interested in what they are up to. He/She is doing it to rile you. I feel sorry for the new partner.

DoryNow · 22/07/2018 12:16

Love how most posters presume the Ex is a man!

Nevertheless same advice applies, yes they are being a needy clingy pathetic individual, laugh at the waste of time being used up in these immature tactics & thank your lucky stars you are happily single.

Ignore, block, rise above. Best thing you can do is move on, be happy either on your own or with someone more deserving of your love & company- good luck!

IJustHadToNameChange · 22/07/2018 12:21

Any flying monkey bringing news needs to be given short shrift.

Tell them you're happy Ex has moved on but what's happening in the relationship is private and not your business. Nor is it theirs.

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