Anxiety and crippling jealousy after being left for another woman

[Soannoyedwithmyself]

My partner of six years walked out in January, unbeknown to me he’d been having an affair with his ex for three months.

He has practically moved in with her and her kids, our two kids rarely see him. Apparently his social media is full of photos of their perfect life together and he portrays them them as a new family unit with her children. Three boys which allows him to do all the football/ car stuff he has always been interested in. He spent all his time while with me doing hobbies, these seem to have taken a back seat as he focuses his attention on her.

I had a few months where I really struggled to function other than going to work and caring for the children. I know logically I don’t want him back after all he’s done yet I’m so jealous of his new relationship and the way he treats her. He never made time for us at weekends yet spends his whole weekend with her doing family things. He seems so loved up with her yet was emotionally abusive to me during our relationship. She has the man I always wanted, he never treated me as well as he treats her.

I wake up and instantly feel sick. I picture him in bed with her, having a lazy Sunday together. I keep looking online trying to find things out. I met a lovely man through a friend a few weeks ago who is good for me but I’m too scared to try. I can’t get this feeling of jealousy out of my head. I’m scared of letting go of him for good. I feel so worthless that he moved on without a second glance.

Good you're getting the claim done. The children are both of yours.

He's not much of a catch if he's leapfrogging in and out of marriages and relationships and children, is he?

Leave him to it, really sorry about the hurt. Onwards and upwards.

He's putting on an effort for the new woman. How long did he manage to keep it up with you, at the beginning?

I’m embarrassed to say he was starting to show a different side to him two months in but I kept assuming I was doing something wrong as he’d been perfect up to then. Then despite being on the implant, I got pregnant.

Please work to get over this for your own sake. I have a dear friend who still can't trust a man and it's doing her harm. Her current DP of about 6 years is hard working, loving and absolutely adores her. He wants to marry her, but she pushes him away. I fear he'll give up eventually and she'll lose a real.keeper.

You're allowing him to control your happiness. When he was treating you badly it's because he didn't care....you put up with it.

Try and get some professional support on the form of counselling to understand why you stayed with his substandard behaviour for so long.

This is s man who has essentially abandoned his kids. If he and his Ex think that's a good person...then they are deluded.

I presume you have daughters? They don't need such a pathetic excuse as a father in their lives.

Oh...and he was probably with her during his 'hobby time'

Don't give him the power to ruin your life. You are in control. The best revenge is living a good life and showing your DC how to pick up and move on.

You're worth more

I am in the same position OP :( I have just found that my husband met a girl on his stag doo and carried on an affair with her up until our wedding and now she is pregnant. I got married in April after being with him for 9 years! I am also dealing with the images of them being a happy family and it kills me as I came off the pill in January so really hurts.
I just feel like I wasn't good enough and feel like everything has been ripped away from me. We had a great relationship so this was a total shock for me. I miss him so much and wish I didn't. I also feel the same as you, as he is now with her and I feel like I was so easy to get over. I feel like there has been no pain for him and I just keep getting all the blows. The OW even put a scan picture up and made it public. I don't look on there as it hurts to much but friends and family told me things and was just making me worse so have asked them to stop. I have now come off all social media and do feel better.
We will get there and we will find someone that wouldn't dream of treating us in such an appalling way. Stay strong and let's hope karma gets them x

So he acted perfect at the start with you. Maybe he's getting better at doing that, and can keep it up for longer now; maybe it just looks like that in the photos. He's acting Mr Super Dad and Mr Super Partner on Facebook, but in real life he's not even being a dad to his own children at all, let alone a good one - so why assume that he's suddenly become a good partner?

I totally second @BlueAnchor - all of that was relevant to me. My OW was a good friend (or so I thought), and they lived in the same road of me until I moved. I was obsessed with thoughts that she was getting the best of him and that I somehow deserved all the vile abusive emails and texts from him, but over time it has all passed.

I know he is a narc and that I dodged a bullet and with time you will realise this too. He has two failed marriages so I suspect treated his ex wives in exactly the same way, i.e. he hasn't changed a bit and therefore won't have changed for this new woman. Count yourself lucky he is leaving the kids to you - mine fought me in court for custody (and lost). But trying to coparent with him is an impossible task

Hope you are ok @soannoyedwithmyself.

Lorry thank you.
The turning point for me was when I met with my ex two years on after numerous attempts to 'start again' and listened to him asking to come back. When I asked "so when did you last sleep with OW", he wouldn't tell me but added "well it was on offer".

Ewwwh!
That was the moment I knew I had moved on. I sat and looked at him and it hit me like a bullet - a very definite 'why would l want to be with someone like you?' I knew I was so much better than that.

You will get there, horrid though it is.

Please read this OP

https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/hes-with-someone-else-why-her-and-not-me/

I'm so, so sad for your children - he's a complete fuckwit to just drop them like that.

Please get to the cms and at least get money from him, even if he isn't decent enough to give them anything else. He's an absolute arsehole.