I have a younger friend (she’s 21, I’m 40) and a few months ago she met a 45 year old man and by accident she became pregnant within a week of knowing him.
They decided to keep the baby and they plan to get married. She told me that on the first night she did not know that he was already in a relationship, but that night after they first slept together he went home the next day and told his ex of five years it was over and threw the ex out of his house and moved my friend in.
He told her he works in a “top secret government job” and can’t reveal what exactly he does, however he appears to make quite a bit of money. Despite having a baby together and his entire family living in the same city as them, she has not yet met his parents or any of his siblings. Apparently he says it’s logistically difficult but he can’t explain why and gets angry and defensive if questioned.
She said he was really keen to meet me, as her good friend. I live one hour away from her and invited them down for lunch at my house with DH and DCs.
When he arrived he did not speak to us and was very defensive. He barely said a word the whole time apart from occasionally commenting on the area. He said that he had once known a couple who lived nearby and mentioned the name of the man and his wife, I’ll call them couple X. I said I also knew of them. He said that they had a terrible reputation and were not very nice people. I said I had also heard that too. We didn’t go into much detail but I assumed we were on the same page about it all (The husband is a well known white collar criminal.)
With retrospect I regret this, but it was really the only conversation which flowed the entire afternoon and I was uncomfortable for my friend who was scrapping around for something to say while he was silent and awkward.
As we were getting out dessert, he said that he was really tired and he had work and they needed to leave. They left rather abruptly.
She texted me the next day to thank me for lunch and apparently he “loved” me and my family. Then she said that they actually ended up driving to Couple X’s house straight after being at ours and they stayed for dinner and overnight there.
I was quite taken aback by this, considering our conversation and immediately felt like I did not trust him at all.
I tried to broach how i thought that was a bit weird considering the conversation he had initiated about couple X, but she said that he and Couple X go “way back” so it was probably just a bit of banter about them (it wasn’t.)
They’ve since been spending a lot of time with them and friend has been texting me from their house saying why don’t you come over?
I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him, but not sure whether to have a proper chat with my friend about all the red flags?
She has family issues and has wanted and needed a baby and a relationship for a long time. It has obviously filled a huge hole for her. She is naive, I think, so I am probably just going to make myself the enemy if I say anything at this point.
DH is saying I am reading too much into them going directly from our house to Couple X’s house after this exchange about them. He says I am silly to think it was an act of hostility on her boyfriend’s part. DH also said I am seeing too many red flags and sometimes life just happens like that, especially as they are still in the early days of their relationship. What do you think?