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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I am so unhappy...

4 replies

givemestrengthandcourage · 21/07/2018 21:15

Apologies for this which might be long, rambling and negative... :(

After a fairly long term relationship which in the end up we fell out of love and became more like platonic friends so we ended it with mutual agreement. I have the kids a lot and he has them 2 nights per week and a weekend night. Then I met someone about a year after we split up who initially was very keen and lovely to me, always complimenting me and just seemed really into me. Taking me out to dinner, long phone calls and nice text messages. After a few months he got a bit flaky, started to cancel plans at the last minute to go to family things etc a few times and started to make me feel like I was a demand on his time.

I took stock and thought I'd just take things as they come, and if it didn't work out, walk away. Over time, a few things happened which just didn't sit right with me so we had a conversation during which he said he wasn't sure if he loved me but he wanted to be with me. I feel anxious about us now. I wonder if he is just stringing me along until something better comes up. I feel like I'm not a priority. He is quite happy to see each other just once a week but this makes me feel really lonely. We talked about infidelity once and he said he wouldn't have time to see anyone else, I said I would probably see them more than I see him. Even when I'm not with him if I see an attractive girl I think if he were here he'd be looking at her and I feel cold and anxious. I worry about my body even though I'm slim and people tell me I have a nice figure. I don't know if this is all in my head or if he is making me feel this way. He has never stayed overnight at mine and I have never stayed at his and we have been together almost a year. Is this normal? I feel like I crave intimacy. I am almost always feeling anxious about our relationship and wondering if/when he will call me. He says he feels happy and secure. It's like we are living in different universes. When we are together I cannot fault him but I do feel that we are living in a bubble and I sometimes wonder if he is a bit ashamed of me, like he feels like he is settling. I'm average looking and so is he. He suggested months and months ago that we should meet the kids soon but since then he hasn't mentioned it again. Why doesn't he love me? Am I unlovable? I am tired of it all now. It's not going anywhere is it? For the first time tonight I cancelled on him. I have lost my mojo.

OP posts:
confusedscared2018 · 21/07/2018 21:27

Whatever you do, don't introduce him to your children when you feel like this. You say you feel anxious all the time and you crave things he is not giving you so ask yourself why you're keeping that in your life?! He's clearly not committed and hasn't spent even a night at each other's that's quite strange especially as you clearly would like that. It does sound like he either has someone else or he's just waiting for someone better. Sorry you're going through this x

Curiousquestioning · 21/07/2018 21:35

Aw that sounds tough. You are entitled to want the full package, someone who really wants to spend time with you and vice versa. If the relationship makes you feel anxious, that can't be good.

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 21/07/2018 22:16

After a year and he isn’t in love ? Time to cut your losses I think. Sorry op Flowers you will meet someone lovely xx

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 21/07/2018 22:19

And no don’t blame yourself , you are ofcourse lovable just this guy isn’t the one for you . Leave him to it and find someone who’s able to fully commit x

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