Relationship with m.s sufferer

[Hugomurgo]

6 months ago I met an amazing man. We're both in our 40s. After a few dates he told me he had m.s. I'd fallen for him straight away so took it all in my stride. Everything was amazing and we both fell hard. About 6 weeks ago he started to go through some things and I felt pushed away. Like an idiot I ended it cos I thought that's what he wanted, but turns out he had no idea there was a problem. I asked to get past it, but he said no, he thought he'd be better alone. I'm his only relationship in a long time, so he's used to being alone. We've decided to stay friends and have continued to see each other platonically. In fact he's been keen to see me. I love and miss him desperately and I'm pretty sure he feels the same. I've respected his choices and not harrassed him at all. Do I hang in there and see if we can get back what I know we both feel

If you're friends now, that's a good sign. Keep working on the friendship and if it's meant to be, I'm sure you'll slowly get back in to a romantic relationship. It sounds promising but maybe a slow-burn, which is no harm!

Definitely hang in there

I’ve got ms and at bad times I push dh away. I get exhausted and feel guilty for what impact my ms has on our future.

It’s an awful unpredictable Illness and he might be giving you a way out if he feels down and concerned about things

Thank you for both your answers. He told me a while ago that he'd thought about ending it to save me having to deal with everything, but he didn't because he loved me. So when I was the idiot who called time, I guess he saw it as the best thing. But all this has done is show me just how much he means to me. I can only hope that eventually he might realise the same. But I do worry every day that he'll give up our friendship too. Thank you again

I'm sure if you show your commitment & caring through the friendship, the best will happen. Wishing you both lots of luck

Thank you

Have you told him that it’s shown you how much he means to you.? I’m sure things will work out if you keep the communication going

I'm a bit frightened to tell him. He seems so adamant that life is less stressful for him alone. But we never really had a stressful relationship till the last bit. He and other people told me how much happier he was since he met me. But then he had all sorts of things happen at once and it put alot of pressure on him. I'm still learning about m.s, so I looked at it in the wrong way. But even though we're not together now, I'm still trying to learn about it. I don't tell him because the last thing I want is to cause him more needless stress.

I agree with the previous poster. It’s good that you are still friends. I would just gradually show him how much you like being with him and doing things together etc without putting pressure on him. I hope it all works out for you I’m sure he won’t stop the friendship

Hopefully not. Thank you

I've not heard from him in almost a week and now I'm scared of what this means. I don't know if he's having time out to think about things or just decided against the friendship. Last time I saw him we had a great time. He was going to stop over...as friends, but then he suddenly changed his mind and left. I messaged him once to see how he was with heat etc, but got no response. Don't know if I'm just overthinking things.

Aw you poor thing.

Pick up the phone & talk to him. Be brazen & be brave! He may have gotten hurt by you (even though I know you didn't mean to hurt him) & is probably a little cautious now. The time for openness & honesty is here.

Pick up the phone. Arrange to see him. Be clear & uncomplicated!

I agree with the last post. Be brave. Pick up the phone. Talk. You are obviously miserable without him. Let him know how you feel. Alternatively just turn up and see him. Fingers crossed for you

Thanks guys. I messaged him to ask if I could pick up something he'd borrowed. He responded straight away and said he'd bring it over Saturday morning, along with breakfast. You're right, I do miss him alot. But just don't have the courage to tell him....

Well done on taking the first step. Could you write it down and hand it to him to read if you can’t tell him

I think I'm just scared of being rejected and losing the friendship too. He's a pretty complex and stubborn guy. But I will do my best to try and work up the courage

Best of luck. Follow your heart.

Good luck. Fingers crossed it all works out well for you both. Let us know how you get on

Thank you all for your advice. Seeing him today was lovely, and honestly I think I'm more in love with him than ever. But I think now that the best thing I can do is let him go. It's so hard to see him leave and not know when I'll see or speak to him again. I'm always the one to contact him first, and although when I do he comes to see me, there's only so many excuses I can use to make contact. It's a terrible waste I know. Maybe one day he'll be in touch and realise he misses me, but for now i think it's best to leave him be. Thank you to you all

That’s such a shame and I’m so sad for you. Why do you think it’s best to let him go?

He seems keen to see me when I contact him, but he doesn't initiate contact. He's such a complex character. He talks about us doing things but I don't want to be sitting here waiting for those things to happen if they're not going to. I've never met anyone so difficult to read. I miss him so much and love his company so much. He always makes me laugh. But I just don't know if he really wants to stay in touch. I know he's the type to take things for granted, so I just feel that if he really wants me he'll do something about it.

I've come to realise he's the sort of person who can't see the wood for the trees. He's not a multi tasker at all. When his concentration is on something, he doesn't see all the other things that are happening. Right now he's concentrating on issues with his daughter and losing his job...which is quite right. But he then doesn't notice anything else that's happening. I'm pretty sure it doesn't mean he doesn't care, he just isn't able to do it. His ex wife had an affair for 5 years and he had no idea! I'm going to leave him in peace for a few weeks, then I'll drop him a line to see how he's doing. Thanks everyone

Good idea.