It’s over. Feeling lost.

[Katy525]

After a rocky few years living together and having 2 kids I’ve realised now that my relationship is over. Once I said this the insults from OH started flowing and really that’s just cemented that there’s no way back. Currently at my mums with both kids (2yo and 6mo)

He isn’t replying to texts or calls anymore and I literally don’t know what to do next. We own a house together, he’s said he will leave.

He accused me of being controling and said he lived on egg shells and I feel like I’m going mad because I feel like I’ve been the one on egg shells.

People who’ve been here before, at the moment he’s not civil and has sent lots of messages about how horrific I am, bad Mum, lazy Mum, I scare him etc. I don’t know what to do, can anyone help?

It doesn't seem like there's any going back....so let the dust settle a bit.

He has said he'll leave. You need to sort out visitation and probably finances in the interim. Do you work? On mat leave?

On mat leave yes, have mat pay until Oct but will be returning to work in September.

Hes replied now saying I can have the kids tonight and he’ll be at his mums. He’s called me a bully and said I get away with it all my life. I’ve asked him countless times to stop sending this stuff as I know he hates me.

Feel horrendous. Sorry I know I’m not writing well, was up at 4.30 baby teething.

Projection. He is projecting his behaviour, his flaws, onto you. Standard tactic of bullies and other dickheads.

Read the messages again knowing that really he is talking about himself. Make sense?

Definitely projection. He is only saying all that crap to hurt you. Ignore it. Block his number for a couple of days at least.

Thank you. At least the messages will stop for a while now. He’s blocked me and told me he needs some time, after calling all my friends shit heads.

This all came to a head because he went out at 3 yesterday afternoon and just didn’t come home, stayed at his mates and came home gone 10 at which point I was just leaving to go to my mums for help with kids.

He normally works away for a month at a time so I suppose I can just tell the 2yo that.

Should I see a solicitor do you think?

He’s saying he still wants it to work but has to make a stand. He’s sent me over a screen shot from Relate about controlling behaviour.

I feel like I’m going insane. He must see me exactly how I see him.

There’s no way back at all. I’m going to find a short term rental and tell him I want to sell the house.

I wish there was room at my mums for me and the kids. This is awful.

Yes, see a solicitor asap.

'He must see me exactly how I see him'.

Or this is a perfect example of DARVO - Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender?

Thank you I’d never heard of that before, but it does ring true. Latest row cane after he went out at 3pm and just decided to not come home til 10 the next morning, without telling me, leaving me with the kids and now he’s attacking me for ny reaction to it.

Are you happier when he's working away? He sounds really horrible, tbh.

Be mindful op,of him setting up a paper trail of alleged abuse from you to him, to get the kids etc

Save everything and don't reply to any of it, see a solicitor as soon as

You also need to stay in the house. You have to get the children to their home for various reasons some of them legal.

Take control back. See a solicitor ASAP. Get a few valuations on the house. Look where else you could live. You'll feel so much better when you work out how you're going to manage and move forward without him.

If he starts again with the texts tell him all the insults aren't helping and you both need to be as calm and mature as possible for the children. Tell him you're not going to start hurling insults back at him.

He sounds like a child. Tantrums and blocking you. He needs to grow up.

Your DC are still tiny OP. I wouldn't worry too much about him getting the kids. He knows he's in the wrong, and he's just kicking off to try to paint himself in a good light. WHY was he out all night? I don't think it's being "controlling" to be concerned and upset! (I would be if it was my dp).

He’s acting normal now. Like it will all just blow over. He goes away in 6 days for a month so I’m just going to try and keep myself calm for those days. But I’m not staying in the house with him or playing happy families, we can have the kids in shifts because I can’t be around him for long periods.

I’ve not hurled any abuse back, and I told him I wouldn’t be (in the texts this is) I asked him to stop 6 or 7 times and he only stopped when I said I’d block him.

While he’s away I’ll have to start looking at things like money and housing and other co-parenting matters. And then decide how to tackle things when he’s home.

I’m just dreading him getting angry and nasty again when he realises this won’t just blow over.

He stayed out all night by accident he said. Not good enough, he went out at 3pm. He could have come back at midnight and still have had 9 hours out!