Saw OW this morning

[SaveBandit]

I posted a while ago under another name about DH and OW. It was before we were married and at a really shitty point in our relationship. He slept with her after a long EA and then told me everything. We broke up but I ended up forgiving him and I know he regretted it. All ties with ow were cut and he didn't speak to her again. She got in touch with me which was really painful and she ended up back in our lives by chance a while ago. That ended quite badly too but more because of her actions and nothing to do with DH. (If you recognise any of the story please don't post the old thread. I got some really horrible messages last time and don't want to go back down that route)

Anyway, we've managed to move on again. Until this morning, we were going out and had to run in to Sainsbury's to pick up some picnic food. As we were going back to the car DH told me to wait a minute but we were in a rush so I carried on. It wasn't until I got to my car I realised why DH had said to wait. She had just pulled up in the space beside my car and she got out as I got to her car.

In the past I have been very civil, almost friendly with this woman and she threw it all back in my face when she was last in our lives. I just froze when I saw her. I had hold of DS and felt my stomach drop and I went all cold. I carried on walking and then put DS in the car. She was still stood there watching me. DH walked past her and she followed him before shouting my name. I looked at her and said that I didn't want to talk to her. She then came closer and asked if she could explain herself. I asked her to go away and repeated that I didn't want to talk. She then turned to DH and started to tell him that she was going through a divorce last time and wasn't well. DH then told her to leave me alone and that neither of us wanted to speak to her.

We got in the car and I drove off but had to pull in to another bay because my legs were shaking. I told DH to drive and he did. I sat in the passenger seat crying and ignoring DH asking me if I was ok, what he could do and saying how sorry he was.

I've spent the day feeling miserable. I know I've forgiven DH so I can't be mad at him but I'm just sat here feeling so upset with him and all the hurt that was gone and then dragged up last time and then forgotten about has once again come back.

I just feel really lost and angry and hurt. Nothing DH can say will make me feel better. It's caught me off guard and I just want to cry.

Not sure what the point of this thread is but I don't really have anyone in RL to talk to about this. Can anyone help me forget about this morning?

Hurt is inevitable, misery is a choice.
The only person who can help you get over this morning is you, take a deep breath, hug your husband and enjoy your weekend with family. She is no longer a feature in your lives, you chose to forgive, he stood by you this morning so just let it go x

I know I've forgiven DH so I can't be mad at him

It's totally okay to feel your feelings. This must have given you a real shock.

If you've decided to move on from the infidelity that's great, but you still get to feel angry from time to time. You probably don't want to shout and scream at him, but it's okay to take some time to yourself, punch the shit out of a pillow, do ugly crying, or drive yourself to a remote location and shout "YOU FUCKING WANKSTAIN" at the top of your voice.

FWIW, I think his reaction to her today was spot on. So yes it has riled everything up for you, but at least you know for sure he is committed to your marriage now.

Be very kind to yourself for the rest of the weekend. Go to the gym, buy a new handbag, cook something comforting, spend an evening watching crap TV. (Not all of those!)

Thank you for your replies. DH has just gone to the shop to get stuff in to make my favourite tea. He keeps trying to act normal but I'm just in a bit of a bubble still and don't even know what to say to him. He came upstairs before and sat on the bed next to me while I cried again. I can tell he's feeling awful again.

I'm feeling better but think I'm still just shocked. When I first found out it was an awful time and there was lots going on and then last time so much shit happened too so I've had that all in my mind. I think I'll just have to sound it out with DH now and tell him how I'm feeling. He will listen to me but I don't want to make him feel guilty again. He is an amazing DH now and I'm so glad we got over it in the past.

Blimey. You decided to forgive him but maybe u can't. Seeing her shouldnt be that horrific.
Maybe it was as hard as it was because she seems remorseful so you cant hate her and you decided not to blame your H so all of the feelings get served back to you as insecurity and resentment. I would blame your H for this complication but at the same time try to be a breezier about it.

If you split up over it and then got back together again then this is like a new contract.

I did blame DH at the time and I was so angry at him. I have since found out that she lied to him about stuff about me saying she saw me with someone else when I was supposed to be somewhere else. This was the night they slept together. They kissed and he said that he shouldn't be there and was leaving when she said that I was cheating on him and then told him she loved him etc. He shouldn't have slept with her because he thought I was cheating and should have spoken to me but as I've said , it was a rubbish time- we'd had some bad news, were arguing loads and that day I'd said that I wanted talk about us when he got back from work. He happened to be out drinking with friends to avoid coming home when she contacted him and he needed the attention from someone so met up with her. He was an absolute dick for what he did to me and also to her. He dropped her the next day and cut her out completely. She had really fallen for him and sent a letter to me basically telling me how much she was in love with him and how it was the best night of her life. He had feelings for her and at the time I hated him more than her because of how he'd treated both of us.

Last time she was in our lives was an unfortunate circumstance that I had to just put up with. She crossed a line though and tried to start something up with DH again after getting hold of his number. It was again a shitty time. I had an ill DS and I'd just miscarried. I blame her for her actions but know that if DH hadn't treated her that way in the first place she may have acted differently. She also got in touch with me again telling me how she has always loved him and always will.

This morning was just completely out of the blue and caught me by surprise. I didn't get like this after seeing her last time, and the many times after that but I think it was because I knew I would see her. I was also under the impression that the thing with DH was in the past for her too and as she was married she had gotten over him. Today though after last time and everything she said to me and DH I didn't feel like I could trust her again and I didn't was to be anywhere near her.

The issue isnt whether you can trust her. Can you trust him? The whole thing re her lying to him about you smacks of bullshit and blame shifting to me. Has he ever really taken responsibility for his actions? She really should be irrelevant

So the last time she got his number? What did he do did he block her? Ignore her or engage with her

How does she know what car you have and where you were?

She told me that she'd lied because she wanted him. She said that she needed a way to convince him that she was what he needed and that me and him were over.

DH has taken responsibility. He showed me how sorry he was and when we got back together did everything he could to show me I could trust him.

I do trust him 100% now. We've both been through so much and changed and grown up a lot since then.

I'm sorry for your hurt. It's awful. I just hope he realises how badly his cheating damaged you and use that to never do it again.

It was very nasty of her to tell him you'd cheated. Talk about desperation on her part.

You may feel sorry for her...but I don't.

Give it a few days and hopefully you'll feel okay.

This is the destructive nature of cheating.

Take care

I'm sorry you're going through this pain. It has potential to just go on and on depending on whether the OW chooses to rear her head next, or when.
All this pain was created by your DH and in situations like this, it's just a reminder that he was at one time at least, a cunt. I'm sorry that's not what you want to hear having chosen to stay with him but I couldn't live my life in a state of upheaval like this.

He didn't block her straight away but she text him asking something about ill DS, DH replied asking who it was and then when she said who it was he told her to leave him alone. She then drunkenly text him saying she wanted him again and how she missed him. He didn't tell me because I was going through so much at this point and he didn't want to add to it. We spoke about it after and he said he should have told me straight away but I understand why he didn't. He showed me the messages and then showed me his phone records showing the number of texts sent and then blocked her. She contacted him using other phones and then he changed his number.

I don't think she knew who she was parking next to this morning. It's a newish car and I am fairly sure she doesn't know where we live. The Sainsbury's we were in is near to where she lives and we just popped in in our way past because we were running a bit late. She did just stand there for a few seconds like I did too.

I did feel sorry for her and made sure she knew that I didn't blame her for what happened and that I had forgiven DH and had no problem with her when she came back a couple of years ago. Now after last time I do think she was to blame for her behaviour. It was very self destructive and she tried to take advantage of our circumstances.

DH was indeed a cunt. If he hadn't have done this in the first place then we wouldn't have this problem ever. But what's done is done. He is sorry and he's a different person now who I know wouldn't do this to me again or DS.

Not sure if you'd agree but I think it's like the worst bits over - it knocked you for six but if you do see her by chance again the reaction wouldn't be as bad... I would take it as a positive if you can that it will only get better. Don't avoid going places you might see her - overtime you will not care at all. Your DH has done everything right so don't let her get in the way of your happiness. xx

Ok.....I would be wary of her parking by your car implies she knows dam well what kind of car you have, did you move house? If she knows where you live she knows your routine and car type

She sounds a little obsessed

She did get a bit obsessive but the car is fairly new and there weren't many spaces to park in. We did move last year and I'm sure there's no way she would have known. Or even if she did she wouldn't know where we lived. She moved too after her divorce, somebody who knows her mentioned it to me a while ago but I don't really speak to this person anymore and she isn't on Facebook or anything.

I do just think yesterday was just because I hadn't seen her since last time and it was out of nowhere. It's unlikely that I will bump in to her again because we don't live near her and we were just in the shop yesterday because it was on the way to somewhere else.

DH and I spoke last night and I said I was still upset and angry. He told me that I should shout at him until I felt better and even suggested holding up his hands so I could punch some anger out! I didn't need to though. He said again how sorry he was, that he would never forgive himself for what he did and that he would never do anything like that again. He then ran me a nice bath and set up the living room with cushions and blankets and put my favourite film on. I know obviously that doesn't make up for it but little things like that show me that he still makes an effort. He is such a good husband and dad. We really are a great team and I know I can count on him. He was a dick but that was a completely different person to who he is now.

She's made a new Facebook profile and sent DH a friend request and long message saying how she was thinking about us all day and wishes she could speak to me and explain herself. For fucks sake.

DH has blocked her and has now changed his Facebook settings so he doesn't show up in searches and his name.

Last time I considered getting the police involved but didn't. I'm going to let it go again but if she contacts me or DH I will.

She's obsessed isn't she. Ignoring is the way to go. He's being honest and letting you know what she's doing.

What exactly does she want to explain? I think she wants to ease her guilt and say she was in a bad place..
... so you think she's not that bad.

Let her live with what she's done and let you get on with your lives.

She said in her message that she felt awful and just wants ebwetone

Sorry dropped my phone and it posted!

She wanted to explain that she didn't have feelings for him anymore but that he was still really special to her. She is now going to counselling after a messy divorce and has realised that he was the first person she really loved so whilst she was going through he divorce she needed someone to make her feel special and he was the first person she thought of.

She realises that she was wrong to try and take advantage of our situation at the time but she thought that we would break down with everything that was going on in our lives and hoped her getting in touch would give him the push he needed to leave and realise that they should have been together. But now she knows that was wrong and that a divorce for me and him might have been hard on us too

I'm just not sure how to feel about her. This behaviour isn't normal OW behaviour is it? Maybe if it happened a couple of months ago I could see but it was literally years ago.

I highly doubt she feels guilty at all, and is saying all this as an excuse to be in contact with you both for her own selfish reasons.
I wouldn't contact her, but if she does one more time, I'd probably send a very short message not acknowledging anything she's said, but to warn her you are saving everything for the police.
Good luck moving forwards, I'm sorry my other post was blunt. Whatever you decide in life, you should be free from harassment.