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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Family member telling me to f*** off

3 replies

Jenny7865 · 21/07/2018 14:09

Hi, so going to cut a very long story short as much as i can

My mum and dad divorced when i was 6. I kept seeing my dad and family for another few years but there were issues with my dad not coming up, family members not coming up and then doing things behind my mums back. Think she got a solicitors letter sent out to my aunt and gran. We never heard anything from them for years, no cards or anything, nothing from my dad until he got in touch when i was 19. So my mum had to do it all herself, she is ill as well. Think she was trying to do what was best for us as i was getting very stressed at the time and there were a lot of let downs and abuse being sent to my mum so hence the solicitors involvement.

Anyway. When i was 19, saw him for a good few years. He didnt make much effort and the meeting up got less and less and he kept slagging my mum off. It was a few years later i tried to contact my cousin who was being bullied online. I told my father this, who told my aunt and then i was accused of the bullying? It was an anonymous site and her school "friends" were writing things and it was ME who got the blame? WTF? I was trying to tell them so they could keep an eye on my cousin as i was bullied at school myself and i didnt want her doing anything stupid, so at this point my aunt phones me, calls me a b*tch, tells me shes going to kill me etc etc. I then, due to circumstances, stopped speaking to my dad as i told him what she said and he didnt seem to care.

Anyway, few years later, i find out my grandmother has passed away. I was also not included in the obituary and i was not told. I email my aunt to say she could have told me and she wrote back saying that i could have visited my gran, that i didnt and that my time to contact my dads family is long gone. She told me to get a life and to get to f* and warned me to watch what i say...

I was a child when this divorce happened. When i was a teenager and had contact with my father for numerous YEARS. I never once received a card from any of my extended family nor did any of them come along to meet me or anything like that. When you havent heard from them for years, i would have assumed, that as they were the adults and i was still in my teens that they should have at least dropped me a card or got my number off my dad or SOMETHING.

Now im getting the blame. I don't understand why they've effectively managed to twist this around? Can someone please help. I don't want to talk to her now, i told her that, she's so horrible to me and i haven't done anything to her. I just need to clear it up in my head because for years as a child i blamed myself that they all just didnt like me enough to send me a card and im getting this abuse and i feel like sh*t. They dont know me, they're assuming things about me, they make no effort and suddenly everything is my fault..

OP posts:
RainySeptember · 21/07/2018 14:23

I think that, if you ever had any doubts about why your mum went nc and raised you all by herself, these have probably now been put to rest?

I'm sorry your dad and his family are so awful but you're not going to change them through sheer force of will.

Of course none of it is your fault. What could you possibly have done to push them away at 6, 11 or 15? Nothing that's what. And you're not doing anything now.

Cut all contact, block on everything, leave them to their miserable drama-fuelled little lives.

TheseThingsMatter · 21/07/2018 15:46

You're probably the victim of a smear campaign. They've been told negative stuff about you - had their heads filled with crap. You will never persuade them from believing things they've "known" about you for a long time. Just walk away. It didn't work out. You can't overcome what's happened even if the information they were told about you was false.

RabbitsAreTasty · 21/07/2018 15:58

They are horrible shitty bully people.

Distance yourself as much as possible.

Never expect normal kind behaviour.

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