Cheated on after four decades of marriage.

[Laylajaney]

I discovered my husband was having an affair that lasted at least six months ,after four decades of marriage.
He reconnected with a woman via Facebook that he had briefly gone out with when twentyone years of age .
I felt and still do -totally betrayed by him . I wonder if I really ever knew him !
After much consideration I decided to get a legal separation.
We still live in the same house because we comitted ourselves to childcare concerning our Grandson . We dont want to move away from family .Its an upheaval at our age .
Unfortunately Ive discovered another side to him now . Whenever I try to talkto him about any of this he turns any discussion into a row . He 'talks me out' so I cant ask questions . I still have many questions for example I would like to know if they shared the same politics or if they ate out much . Just the odd thing that pops into my head. He makes me very frustrated and I feel very aggressive towards him when he behaves like this . He puts my blood pressure up too.
Recently he said that living together isnt working. I agree -and he now goes to stay at my sisters cottage for a few days most weeks .She lives in USA so comes back to her cottage for holidays etc -it isnt a permanent solution .

We sometimes meet up for lunch -which is nice . We find it difficult to live together . I still think his response to my asking questions shows a selfish side to his character . He should put up with questions as part of repairing our relationship . No matter he gently I start off with a question he manages to somhow turn around it so we row and this way he shuts me up . I sometimes feel Im in court he trys to trip me up with words .
Hes a very clever man .
Has anyone experienced anything similar?

I was in the same situation where my husband was telling me he wanted us to get back together but was unwilling to let me ask what I needed and wouldn't answer...he wanted it swept under the rug but I couldn't. In my mind if he was truly sorry for what he had done and he wanted me to believe he wouldn't do it again then he would have listened and understood what I was going through and be honest with me so we could work out a way to move forward..... but he wasn't like that and would shut off and tell me to stop asking etc and that went on for a good few months. Please don't put yourself through it like I did as it really got me down ...the relationship turned abusive ....he would try and silence me by not responding. He ended up disappearing and he hasn't seen our dd for 10 months despite going past everyday.
I know you talk about your grandson but I really do agree with others that you need to put yourself first now ...I know it hurts massively ....the question to ask in any situation is Would I treat the person I love like this?...If its a no and he doesn't want to make the effort into going to counselling for example then I think your better off without him x

Im looking into this . Thank you you for all your help

I was refering to the rejigging of our shared house in my last answer . Thank you .

Mum 35x you describe exactly the way my husband is and it does show a lack of care about my feelings . Before all this happened he spent all day and still does with his head down on a computer ignoring most of what i said to him . I dont want himback at all as a husband but just to sort out how we can move forward and tollerate each other without upsetting those around us .
The Grandson is very important to me and someone Ive had a big hand in rearing.
Talking to you has made me realize that we will eventually get separate housing or at least have separate dwelligs. In some ways he is a very odd man -almost Aspergers. Thank you .