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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Perspective needed

3 replies

Baz38 · 20/07/2018 20:56

Hi some perspective and advice needed. Bear with me it's a long story. My relationship with my husband is generally good but there's always certain issues we argue about. One of those things is that he's not very good at looking after me when i'm ill or feeling low (i have depression - nothing too severe). He recently developed epilepsy, this last year has been very stressful, he lost his driving job as a result and suffered some very severe seizures. He has injured himself and stopped breathing at one point, thankfully i had some first aid training which i remembered through the panic. So he has needed a whole lot of support and looking after, not too mention the constant supervision and worry on my part plus the panic and fear that if i leave him alone he may have a seizure again. I have juggled a stressful job as a lecturer with looking after him and managing household expenses on my part time wage. So fast forward a year with all of this going on. Summer hols have started and my anxiety levels are through the roof, my depression is back and i look to my husband for support. But i get nothing, ignored all day. I finally broach the topic by saying that if somebody is feeling unwell you are supposed to look after them not ignore them. He responds with anger and tells me that there's no point in helping me as he will never get it right, cue a huge row in which i call him a selfish bastard who just takes and takes. My question is, am I being unreasonable or selfish by expecting in return some of the same care and attention that i have always given to him and more so over the past year?

OP posts:
notthisagain83 · 20/07/2018 22:04

Of course you are not being unreasonable to expect to be supported by your husband.

Did you tell him how you felt before the arguement?

Baz38 · 21/07/2018 07:25

Hi thanks for your reply. Yes it's an issue which we've talked about alot over the years.

OP posts:
Unicornandbows · 21/07/2018 07:31

Hi

First of all you are not unreasonable in the slightest! He should be there for you.

However as you have said this is something very deep rooted within him that he is unable to actually comfort you during your hour of need I would advise counselling and take it a step at a time.

If you are not recieveing the care and love you or anyone else really require then it could also be time for you to move on or find a secure family and friend circle as an alternative to get the support you need.

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