How do I approach this?

[Tryingtomakeitright]

So my wife and I are going through a rough patch, we have agreed to make some changes and try but we are in a bad place. My wife has told me that she is going out tomorrow with friends and asked if I was ok with it.. I told her that she is free to go out as i would never stop her seeing her friends or having her space. I also told her how I felt about it as we are trying to be more open and honest about things. I told her that I wanted her to consider my feelings when she does go out and that it made me feel a little vulnerable. I told her that I trust her but I wasn’t happy with her going out when things are so bad. She went out last weekend too and that was difficult for me to cope with but I said nothing. I’m worried when she goes out and I wanted to tell her this so that I don’t end up resenting her for not taking how I feel into consideration. Well she flew off the handle at me and accused me of making her feel guilty for going out. That is not what I wanted at all, I just wanted her to consider how I felt when she does go out. How do I diffuse this situation please...

Well, she shouldn’t haven’t asked if she didn’t want to know, but then it does sound like you’ve told her it’s all fine, and followed up with a bit of a guilt trip.

If you trust her, what is it that makes you feel vulnerable when she goes out?

Why does her going out make you feel vulnerable? Is there a back story of her cheating? Because if there isn't you are being unreasonable and I agree you were trying to guilt her. You need to work on your insecurities as partners have every right to go out with having to take their other halve's insecurities into 'consideration'.

To be honest it’s probably my own insecurities she dropped the bombshell a few weeks back that she didn’t love me anymore and since then it’s been awkward. Yesterday we had a good talk and agreed to change things with the view to improving our relationship. Today it seems like what I said last night went out the window when she won’t take how I feel into consideration. Because I don’t know where her head is at it gives me doubts as to what her intentions might be when she goes out. I think it’s my insecurity rn that is overplaying what she might do but none the less it makes me worry.

I have no reason to believe she has cheated on me and I have asked her directly..

All want to know is how to diffuse this situation, I should have just kept my mouth shut. How do I go back from here?

If she’s come out and said she doesn’t love you anymore, I don’t think there’s much work to be done on the relationship.

Just my personal opinion. Does she think she can fall in love with you again? Is that what you’re hoping for?

I just wanted her to consider how I felt when she does go out.

You are trying to guilt trip her into not going out. What else would you mean by this?

I was in no way trying to guilt trip.. I fully respect her need for space and friends, I have made mistake, I thought that being more open meant this kind of thing like discussing our thoughts on these issues but I think I have simply over shared and let out what’s supposed to stay inside.. I don’t want her to not go out I’m happy for her to go, I guess I was just worried about things that I can’t control.. it’s definately a me issue not hers I just don’t know what to say to her to sort of forget what I said.

Well yes it is what i was hoping for to be honest we have a great family but we haven’t been getting along very well.. it’s only gone bad I’ve rthe last year or so, so I do see that it can be worked on.. the councillor I was talking to has the same opinion that things have gone stale and need to be re-kindled with some effort to take each others needs into consideration which haven’t done for a while since our son was born.