Hand hold I've got my first RC counselling session - triggering

[Inevereverwanttogohome]

Another nc.

I am feeling very apprehensive today. Got a phone call earlier to offer me a counselling appointment with Rape Crisis. I was wobbling about accepting it as it's very soon, but have accepted.

I have posted before under a couple of different names, but my history is that I was sexually abused by my father from around 7 until 19/20 or so. I approached RC last year after a difficult time with my mother, who had discovered what was going on several times but has been in denial. Things took a turn for the worse early new year when i was stay with my father whilst mother in hospital, and he tried to attack me.

I am now NC with parents and with one brother (who I knew would react as he did).

Since going NC with them I have been able to talk to a couple of friends about what happened, and I was surprised as to how I was able to do this with little emotion (well no tears), and it has been really helpful.

I know that the counselling is going to be really good for me, but absolutely dreading it too.

I think and hope you'll benefit from going to counselling since you might need to work on what's happened in your past. It's not your fault that these things happened to you, the counselling will help you see that, and that you only did what was necessary to survive in that environment, after all you were dependent on your parents too and it was impossible for you to just walk away at that young age, and now that behaviour while your mother was in hospital to top things up. I hope you'll get good support from the counsellor so you can leave this luggage behind you. You have nothing to fear from counselling.

And don't feel any guilt to be in nc with your parents, that only sounds like a sound thing to do under the circumstances.

Thanks very much 38712. I have been on the waiting list for almost a year. I only got a phone call yesterday to offer me the appointment, so not had much time to think about it. Perhaps it's just as well.

Just say yes to the appointment because these offers are few and far in between. If your not happy with the counsellor you might perhaps ask to see another one.

I'm definitely going, it's tomorrow morning I do feel anxious now though. I think i have compartmentalised if for so long and managed not to think it about it too often, it seems like it didn't happen to me. Was thinking about it on my way home tonight though, and all the horrible things that happened, and they still happened no matter how much I cried and it's brought it all back. But on the other hand, I feel a bit detached and it's like it is something that happened to someone else, like I am remembering some from a film I watched.

I am definitely not suffering from false memory syndrome btw :/ my mother has acknowleged many times what happened, and I am confident about what I remember.

Thanks for your suppport

I started my councelling about 3 months ago, finally , to talk about abuse from my Dad when I was a child, continuing through my teens from Uncles and then from my first husband and the next two men I was involved with.

Sharks scent blood :(

That all was nearly 40 years ago. It fucked up my life a fair bit, and has left me with a lot of issues which I then tried to bury, tried to work through but finally ended up with c PTSD and a shed load of issues which came out in a huge bad way over the last five years.
I can honestly say I've felt so much better since I started the councelling with RC. It's hard, I crya lot, I swear and I write in my journal but I've shared stuff I've told no one else ever and then I've come home able to share a bit of it with my lovely husband.

My life is so much better in the last three months, since I went to councelling with RC.
Hand hold and please go! Talk, cry, share as much as you can, it will help I hope.

Oh forgot to say, this is the first time I've ever had councelling. It's taken me more than 40 years since the last abuse for me to summon up courage. It is SO worth it. Hugs to you for tomorrow xxx

I've had Counselling with RC and found it massively beneficial. It is a process though, and totally understandable to feel apprehensive! It was definitely less "scary" than I thought it would be. It felt like a very safe space and I was able to go at my own pace if that makes sense.

All the very best to you for tomorrow

You’re really brave to make this step, I can’t imagine how difficult this is, but I commend you for reaching out to help yourself. I haven’t been through what you have, but I have had therapy and counselling for other issues and it’s helped me hugely. Making that first step is really scary, but it will absolutely be worth it.

Feeling a bit detached is just a way of coping with a difficult situation, it's only a natural response (or so I've read).

I saw a YouTube clip some time ago, a guy (now a comedian and lecturer you could say) told about his difficult childhood, and one particular thing he said was that he deliberately focused on good parts (although few and far in between) and tried to actively remember those. He did of course remember the rest too, but he sort of pushed his positive memories to the front, strengthening those, so they would take up relatively more space in his mind. I guess it's a way of redoing or reshaping your childhood a little bit, without actually having to re-live it.

I googled "remembering positive memories of a difficult childhood" and it brought up this article, which you might find interesting: sugarloafcounseling.com/site/?page_id=133

Thanks for your helpful comments. chickenloverwoman sorry to hear that you have also suffered, it is also around 40 years since it last happened to me.

I have been for the first session, and although it is just a getting to me session for them, I have found it really helpful. It is so good to get things off my chest and hopefully get rid of this burden. I have been offered an initial course of 12, and then see where we're up too.

Thanks to everyone for sharing your experiences of counselling. It is so helpful and I really appreciate it

I'm so glad you found it helpful. I found it was a huge relief just to say stuff I'd never said out loud to anyone else, before. And for me, it started to free me from hiding it all. for you.