Please can I have some help until Monday please?

[GeorgiePirate]

I am in pieces. My partner and father of my young toddler has been conducting a 9 month affair with a work colleague. We don't live together and he and she have enjoyed a full social life with their work colleagues including 5 luxury holidays in the last 9 months. I have booked an appointment with a therapist for Monday but I don't know how to get through until then. Any suggestions as to how to get through to Monday?

I am sorry to read this has happened to you, it says far more about him than it ever would about you as a person. This is all on him and he is a coward.

What is the situation with regards to his child in terms of financial support from him and access?. Ensure that he pays financially for his child.

Read the ChumpLady website. Enlist the help too of your family and friends for support, is there anyone you can talk to this evening?. Be kind to yourself and eat and drink little and often.

So sorry your in this situation, don't know what to say.

So sorry, how horrendous for you. Have you told family and friends? You will really need some support in RL. Is there any immediate childcare/financial implications from this, can your parents or PILS help?

Sorry this has happened to you.

The 180 is meant to help you gain strength and survive well without your cheating partner..

The 180

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore.
2. No frequent phone calls.
3. Do not point out good points in marriage.
4. Do not follow him/her around the house.
5. Do not encourage talk about the future.
6. Seek support from family members.
7. Do not ask for reassurances.
8. Do not buy gifts.
9. Do not schedule dates together.

10. Do not spy on spouse. 11. Do not say “I Love You”. 12. Act as if you are moving on with your life. 13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive. 14. Don’t sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc. 15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words. 16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse her, /his whereabouts, ASK NOTHING. 17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse. 18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold – just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what she/he will be missing 19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him/her someone he/she would want to be around. 20. All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while). 21. Never lose your cool. 22. Don’t be overly enthusiastic. 23. Do not argue about how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger). 24. Be patient 25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. 26. Learn to back off, shut up and possibly walk away. 27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil). 28. Be strong and confident. 29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write. 30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy. 31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. 32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because they are hurting and scared. 33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. 34. Do not backslide from your hard-earned changes.

Thank you. I told close friends and family immediately. I'm just bewildered. Why do this? They enjoyed a completely champagne lifestyle. Why not just tell me he'd met someone else and end it? She was completely innocent in this and absolutely disbelieving when I contacted her. He will continue financial support but our child is so young we will have to remain in contact for several years. The thought of seeing him makes my skin crawl.