Husband leaves me for younger woman, I loose everything?

[Stormbitch]

My husband left after an affair with a younger woman. Half his age!

He is now pressurising me to sell our house so he can move on with his life.

I understand that I have rights in so much as marital rights to live in the property, and I have instigated divorce proceedings, ( as a defence ).

However as this only happened very recently i.e. weeks, I am feeling overwhelmed with all this work I have to do, when essentially the problem is not mine. I am not able to handle this so soon and so much at once and wondered if anyone has been or is going through the same trauma.

For now he has moved out but clearly wants the property sold asap, this is because he is on a low income and wants the money to move on.

However this would mean I have to move, and not having an income this is nearly impossible a task in my area of North London. I do not qualify for a council house. I also suffer from an acute mental illness which is debilitating and has been made worse obviously since this debacle.

Do you or anyone you know have any "formal" experience or advice. I have spoken with a lawyer who was at first ok, but now is making statements that lead me to believe I am about to be up the creek without a paddle.

Surely in common law a husband cannot leave, act in this way and then expect his ex wife or wife to live in digs?

Any nuggets at all might set me on a path to knowing what on earth to do next would be amazing.

Do you have children?

If you have children together then you have a better chance of being able to stay in the house.

If you don't have children together and you don't work then you will probably have to settle for half the equity of the house. You will then need to use that to pay your rent until the equity gets beneath a certain threshold, at which point you can apply for housing benefit.

Do you have local friends and family? Could anyone help you get into a houseshare?

Does he have a good pension pot? Because if so, you are entitled to half of it. Did you give up a career to care for children? If so you are due more money from the sale of the house than he is. Tell him you need time to think, and you won't be doing anything for at least 6 months. He can like it or lump it.

Well look, here we are, both in a similar boat! He didn't leave for a much younger woman, just my best friend. This happened about 10 months ago, so I'm a bit further down the road to you.

Firstly, yes, you're probably going to have to sell the house. I was pretty "over my dead body" about this at first, but I'm now much more positive about it.

Are your children adults? If so, the law starts from a presumption of a 50/50 split, with both of you needing somewhere else to live. However, this is where you hold some cards.

You say you have no income - ie, you are the "financially vulnerable" partner. You also have a presumably diagnosed mental illness (I'm bipolar, and yes, it's got a LOT worse) which means you have a disability. What is your pension like? How long have you been married, and did your career get impacted by childcare etc? Does your disability mean that you will find full-time work, or any work at all, impossible to do? What about other assets - do you and he both have your own cars? Savings, etc?

In my case, this is panning out that I get most of the capital (eg the cash from the house, savings). I cannot get a mortgage, and my chances of full time work anywhere in the near future are pretty grim. Therefore, I am getting the cash to buy my own house, outright. I have had to take a hit on how much of his pension I can get, but I am still getting some.

No, no judge will dump you into student digs. He has to accept that. He can work, his career was never impacted, he is the one with the pension, he can fuck off out of my life and get on with it.

He has the right to want his share, but I wouldn't let him pressure you into anything ... as this is a recent occurrence.

After his infidelity he can hold his horses and wait for you to get your head round it.

You haven't mentioned kids...so I assume there are none...or none living at home.

You have had the most enormous shock, and now your whole life is being turned upside down. I'm so sorry this is happening to you op, I really am.

It is good that you have initiated divorce proceedings, and that you are getting legal advice. I would pay attention to that advice because your lawyer will have seen this scenario play out a thousand times, and have an excellent idea of what your settlement is likely to be, whether you fight against it or not.

All of the assets are in the pot and need to be split to ensure parity as far as possible.

So equity, pensions, savings will all be fair game and up for negotiation.

The starting point is 50/50 but you may be able to argue for more if you are unable to work. Unfortunately, I think you will meet some resistance. His team will argue that you can work, and that he will be unable to house himself without a fair share of the equity as he's also on a low income.

How many children do you have together?

I know this would be much harder with your mental health problems but could you take the equity and move somewhere else in the country, buy outright and have a new start? Try googling or ask on here for what you might be able to get further out.

Hello thank you for the words...

Wow! Arum we should PM sometime.

Well.

1. No dependants kids all over 18
2. No SA32 self employed accounts I have not really got much of an income.
3. Help to buy, or Shared ownership qualify? Even then SA302 issue?
4. He has no pension nothing, rubbish job.

Short answer is yes,a husband can leave and the other partner has to have a dramatic change in circumstances.

A few years ago it may have been different but not now.

Is there a mortgage? Much equity? Reality is the likeihood is you will need to split assets 50:50. Factors that alter this are yours and his ability to earn but if he is low income you will have to look at benefits and or part time work, if your health not compatible with full time.

It is scary but just know that you will adjust, change is daunting but often is for the best.
It is only in hindsight that we see it.

If you have a house in London then assume there is reasonable equity. If you had 50% could you move slightly further out,or be near your children?

It may feel overwhelming but just start to think of it as an opportunity. Do you have anyone who can help with planning and practicalities?

Small steps...you have started divorce, next is financials, look at equity and what benefits you can claim, perhaps visit CAB or look on entitledto website.

Allow a little time for it all to sink in, cry when you need but know it will be in the end