Man wanting to leave relationship with 1 year old child

[evets]

Hello everyone this is my first thread, I am a little lost in my life right now going through some serious emotional stage.

So I met my girlfriend ( not married) around 2 years ago. After the first year I began to feel allot of doubt towards her due to certain things that had happened such as finding out she was still talking to her ex partner and her lying to me on a number of occasions.

She then accidentally became pregnant. Although i was uncertain about her we both decided to go ahead and have our daughter. I think we are both believers in fait and felt that there was no option to terminate the pregnancy. I knew there was a possibility that we would not end up staying together.

So now our daughter is 1 and we are both great parents.

I am feeling allot of weight at the moment and experiencing some major anxiety. I am constantly anxious and stressed / grumpy. I try my hardest to defeat it but no matter how hard I try it returns.

I feel like I hate being in a relationship with my girlfriend. The more time I spend with her the more I dislike her. I feel like we are 2 completely different people. I don't trust her, I don't agree with her views and opinions and I am always picking up on the smallest things I dislike about her. She is a great mum to our daughter but there is just something about her that my body just does not agree with or trust.

I feel sooo guilty that I feel this way, I never set out to be a man who walks out on a relationship with a 1 year old child but I am constantly contemplating it in my head.

The reason I am holding back is part guilt thinking I am not a man for feeling this way and partly because I don't want to be a weekend dad, I live to see my daughter smile when she sees me every morning and every night.

I have a 9 year old son from another relationship might I add ( she left me) and I have been a weekend dad with him. Having my daughter has made me realise I missed all the important little things with him growing up.

So I am torn. I don't know what to do for the best. I am mentally ill, I feel soon depleted in myself. I can't focus, I don't have any passion, I feel like I'm just existing not living.

My current partner know how I feel but she Is fully against the idea of me leaving and guilt trips me saying I will hardly see my daughter and always mentions my relationship with my son not being the best to try and pull on my heart strings.

My anxiety gets so bad that I just want to lock myself in the spare room which I do sometimes or walk out the house, she makes me worse as she gets in my way stands in front of doors and is constantly on my back not letting me breath.

She watches me while I'm cooking to check I'm not making a mess and is constantly over my shoulder 24/7 giving me no space to breath.

Naturally I am a solitude lover and she is quite needy.

I am hoping that some of you have been through similar things and can give some advice.

You poor thing it must be so hard for you

Surely if you had one child from a previous relationship you would have been more careful about contraception? I was left holding the 1year old baby and my life completely changed where as my ex was able to work freely without having to considering the needs of a child. My ex regretted his descision more so when I got with my dh and we had a family. Do you want to be a man who has kids but with neither mother? It doesn’t make you a particularly great catch does it. If you do need to move on from the relationship please do it in a respectful manner.

God, Snapped WTF happened to “you don’t need a reason to leave a relationship” which is practically a meme on this site?

And she was as responsible for contraception as him, but I’ve seen plenty of LTBs where similar age kids were involved but the sex was reversed.

There’s plenty of evidence here of him being on the receiving end of EA. There’s the coercion / emotional blackmail; standing over him whilst he’s doing tasks (presumably criticising him for not meeting her standards); not letting him leave the house. How much more would it take for you to tell a woman to GTF out of that relationship?

It doesn't sound healthy for either of you to stay in the relationship. I think you need and get court ordered access to see you child

need to leave*

Snappedandfarted2018 Projection much?

How is your dcs care currently split, roughly (ie is she SAHM and you at work FT)? You might not have to be limited to every other weekend.

No projection but I don’t think it’s right from a men to have children with several with different women, the whole post was completely outlining his dp faults without taking responsibility for your own, he is looking for any excuse to leave.

This thread is also very much the opposite POV to the threads where women have been left for ow and their dp completely blame them for the break down of their relationship. The whole post just doesn’t seem to sit right and it comes across as if his dp is completely to blame.

Snapped There’s no OW mentioned, and we’re only ever going to get one POV on this forum, so it’s always an incomplete picture, including when those women post that have been “left for OW.” Don’t see their posts get critiqued quite so much.

Out of interest, do you also not agree with women having children with multiple partners in the same way you don’t agree with it for men?

Do you not agree that sometimes people make mistakes (and repeat them) and that you can be of either gender to do that? There’s no evidence here that OP is some sort of serial shagger with 20+ kids littered around the country. He’s got two fewer than Ulrikka Johnson, for instance and the same number as my DP (they have different fathers). I wonder what you’d think of her?

Wouldn’t you agree that it’s better for someone to remove themselves from an abusive relationship than “soldier on for the sake of the kid(s)?” And that it doesn’t matter what their gender is in that situation?

Get out and do it nicely. Remember that your daughter is 50% her mother. Don't let her grow up seeing you hate and resent traits she shares with her mother.

Your DD will grow up happier with two parents who love her but parent separately, rather than two parents locked into a hateful relationship.

Have you seen your GP about the anxiety you're suffering?

Have you looked into your options around childcare/flexible working to see if you could aim for a 50/50 split?

Snapped, are you trying to be controversial or did you actually mean that?!?!

I think you should go with your gut feeling here. NotTheFord is right, she’ll grow up far happier.

Good luck, with what you decide