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Original poster

Infidelity then the return

16 replies

Candymvw · 19/07/2018 00:01

Good morning Guys

I was with the father of my baby for some time. We found out i was pregnant at 6 weeks and then a few weeks later his ex contacted me and notified me that they were back together. I made him aware that i knew he had cheated and he didnt even deny it. (She constantly harassed me throughout our relationship and said that he belonged to her - but i chose to stay with him regardless as he lead me to believe that they were over. He said she was crazy and used drugs.She even went to the point of showing up at my house and stalked me thru my windows)

I packed my things and left. During the time of our separation- he was really horrible towards me so i stopped communicating with him and went on with my life. We have been separated for about 2 months now.

Last week his ex messaged me saying that I should keep him away from our baby because he was bad news and had a history of violence towards her and her kids . (Her kids were from previous relationships) That he was a horrible person and that he would hurt our baby. I still defended him when i responded to her.

A few days ago I received texts messages from him saying he was sorry. That he was no longer with his ex and that he really wants to be in our babies life (After denying that the baby was even his)

He then showed up at my house and we had a good chat - by good i mean cordial.
He told he that he realized that was not the life he wanted for himself.
He then asked me to go and watch a few rugby games with him and have dinner with him and his mom....

I do care about him.... Crazy i know. But has anyone ever still experienced this while pregnant and what was the outcome?
I still do love him- but i refuse to be hurt again.
He has done a complete turn and now wants to be there and have an active part in my pregnancy. I just feel like trust needs to be earned. What could his reasons even be for wanting us to go out on dates though?

I just feel like im second guessing everything right now.

OP posts:
FuckItPassMeTheWine · 19/07/2018 00:08

I wouldn’t get back with him if I were you , he sounds like a liability and who needs all this drama when you’re pregnant xx

Mrstobe90 · 19/07/2018 01:00

100% avoid!!!

Why risk your child's safety? He may not be violent with children but what if he is?

Also, he left you for another woman, left her to come back to you and one day will get bored again and leave you for someone else!

Please break the cycle and find someone worthy of you and your unborn child.

Funicorn · 19/07/2018 07:35

Oh god if it is this bad now ? Walk away - do yourself a favour.

hairymoragthebampot · 19/07/2018 08:35

So let’s break this down-

This man dumps you when pregnant
His OW stalks you and harasses you via text
He was horrible to you when he left and you had to stop communicating with him
They have split up and now you have met up with him and are thinking about getting back together.

Are you truly being serious? This man has treated you appallingly . Has cheated already and dumped you when your at your most vulnerable and your asking if you should get back with him? I think you know the answer. You have an opportunity to gain some self respect and maintain a cordial relationship with this man for the sake of your DC. However if you think he is returning because he is madly in love and sees a future I think your kidding yourself, it’s a stop gap until he finds someone else.

Katgurl · 19/07/2018 10:10

Don't get back with him anyway or allow him get close to you.

Tell him if he cleans his act up and takes this opportunity to prove to you that he has changed you will be more open to involvement in the future.

congrats on the pregnancy btw!

Zebra31 · 19/07/2018 10:50

Walk away. His shown you who/what he is. He won’t change.

You may love him but he doesn’t love you. You don’t treat people you live like he has you.

Archilpnd7 · 20/07/2018 07:32

Now let me tell about your condition ..........you are obsessed with him because he cheated you and it hurt your ego and you had every right to be angry.........now you are insecure and it is leading you to depression...you already said you dont want to get hurt again.....let assume that you get married to him and then he again cheats you......now it will be diffcult to get out of relationship as you are married now and will have to go through the painful path of divorce which is more painful than break ups as a child is involved now ...........now let say if he doesnt cheat on you, you will still have insecurities which will make your life hell.........maybe you just want revenge on him ........if you cut this man off, initially it will be painful, but you will have freedom from all your messy emotions........start dating and move on

Treacletoots · 20/07/2018 07:39

Run. Run for the fucking hills. I'm so sorry this man is treating you like this but people can only do that if we let them.

His behaviour is 100% awful. You and your baby deserve so much more. Dont settle for this shit.

Nellia · 20/07/2018 09:26

Im in agreement with others. Howevery advice would be foxus on your pregancy and up comming birth. First time baby is tough get over the stress of that before considering entertaining his foolishness

Babdoc · 20/07/2018 09:32

The OW has thrown him out, probably for being violent to her kids, and certainly for being a shit.
He has nowhere to go, so weasels his way back to your home, pretending to be sorry. Are you seriously considering taking him back? How many kinds of mad or stupid would you have to be, to live with this potentially violent excuse of a man?

Cricrichan · 20/07/2018 09:41

Not with a bargepole

AJPTaylor · 20/07/2018 09:48

he is only back cos he has nowhere to stay.
give your head and wobble and see if you can find some self esteem at the same time

ThinkOfAWittyNameLater · 20/07/2018 09:54

He's only back because he needs somewhere to stay

Yep. Absolutely.

Do not give your child his surname. Think VERY carefully before you put him on the birth certificate.

This man is a cheating, lying, abusive waste of space. Do not give him an inch.

Get yourself some counselling. Your boundaries need some help. As does your self esteem. You think this is your most vulnerable? Nope. You're on your way there but you're not there yet. Get yourself armed and ready (mentally, emotionally) for the times ahead.

BunnyCarr · 20/07/2018 10:56

Sounds like he has nowhere else to go, so your gaff will do.

You'll also be a handy and willing hole for him to shag.

You'll do, at least until the next, more appealing pair of knickers comes along.

Sorry to be so crass, but that is his mindset and is also the bottom line.

magoria · 20/07/2018 11:01

This man showed you exactly what he was when he thought things were going how he wanted.

Now they are not he is trying to convince you it was all a misunderstanding.

You would be an idiot to go back. You have seen the real him.

Kerryberry34 · 20/07/2018 19:04

You’ve already made the break run for the hills

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