How do you move on from 'The One'

[AnxietyKilledTheDog]

Hi there,

I am after some advice. How do you move on and get over someone you thought was The One?

He was my first/only love and he left me unexpectedly a few weeks ago. He was abusive and I have enrolled on the Freedom Programme, I will have my second class this week. I am also reading the Lundy book to try and understand his behaviour and also to make sure I don't fall for similar again.

I am keeping myself as busy as possible and I am barely in the house. I am utterly exhausted but keeping distracted is helping I think.

I am just after advice from people who have been there and done it. How long does it usually take until you realise it's midday and you haven't thought about them, etc? How long does it take to feel happy? I have moments of happiness, of course, but I am not happy.

I am using The One in the ironic sense, I now realise he wasn't who I thought he was!

Thank you :)

You're doing all the right things. You already know that someone that abuses you is not The One. Everyone deserves better. You're taking steps towards that. You need time and to build yourself up again. Try and focus on yourself, be kind to yourself. Try and treat yourself - make your house look different, move things around. Do/watch things that you might not have done because it wasn't his thing. Write a list of all the things that you didn't like about him or he did that was wrong. Read it when you're nostalgic and think you miss him. It's a habit, you've got to break it and get used to it. Chin up, you're doing well.

You’re doing great. The concept of “The one” is nonsense. Don’t dwell on it. There are 4 billion other men on the planet, forget the arse you with, dust yourself down & think how exciting the rest of your life could be.

What soap said. The whole concept of one soulmate that no one else could ever compete with is nonsense. If you think about it logically, even if such a person existed how likely is it that you would meet?

It does take time because early on your life is still life with him but he's missing. As time goes on you do new things, move house or job, make new friends and so life looks different and stops reminding you of his absence. Good luck

As a rough guide I would say 4 months. By six months you'll no longer see him as the one.
Abusive relationships are very intense, every emotion is magnified. The good times are out of this world. Who wouldn't want the good times back? But they're not reality, they're a false high.

Keep reading everything you can and have NC - no looking at his fb!
This will get you through quicker.

Sorry but someone who was abusive to you was certainly not "The one" not that I really believe in the one anyway but especially not here

Thank you everyone for your comments!

I know that now Trinity, but as Mrs said above, abusive relationships are often extremely intense ones. For some bizarre reason I stuck through the awful times because the good times seemed so amazing. It was all manipulation of course and none of it is real but that in itself brings its own challenges.
He left by literally walking out and driving off one night while I was trying to sleep, no goodbye, no reason, no explanation, no nothing, so I haven't got a sense of closure.

The other comments has helped put things into perspective. It's very true, with the amount of people in the world if the concept of The One existed it would be impossible to find your match!

Also, 4 and 6 months are workable I think. Sometimes it feels as though it will never fade and it becomes all consuming, but in my pleasant moments I feel good again. Sometimes I even forget about him for 20 minutes or so, then I think oh, I haven't thought about him.

As above, I am trying to rebuild a life without him and find a new normal. I am even applying for new jobs! I am completely no contact in anyway.

Any tips would be appreciated right now, feel really low/down at the moment.

Had a lovely weekend though. I always feel down after a good few days when I think the end is almost in sight.