Cheating husband has left & im struggling

[Rosiepicnic]

Im a week in to finding out my H has been cheating & im struggling.

We have a 15 month old DD, hes walked out without a care, took his games console & left his house, wife, child, pets (he is early 30's)
He is being so arrogant about it all, told me hes glad he got caught. My world is completely upside down, im absolutely gutted for my DD & scared for her future & it seems like hes absolutely fine, happy even.

I really dont know what im even asking, i feel like im just constantly moaning & crying to my friends & family & dont want them to get sick of me.

I know im not the first or last person this will happen to but i just cant see a way out right now. I suppose im just asking for advice on how to cope. Or positive stories from people who have been through similar & come out the other side.

I just dont know what to do & my emotions are so up & down i hate it.

It's only been a week everything you are feeling is perfectly normal.

Don't try and think too much about what you need to do right now. Just concentrate on your and your DD. You are the only 2 things which are important.

Try to eat and drink. Do the basics and just care for yourself.

Time is the greatest healer.

What a bastard.

In a couple of years time, you’ll look back with relief that you aren’t with such an absolute cunt anymore.

You are a good person, he’s not.

it will get easier

Happened to me when DS was 18 months. I remember how horrendous I felt. I'm sorry you are going through this.

Its 2 years since it happened to me and I really do think "thank fuck I'm not still with him." DS is absolutely fine and I think it was probably a good thing that it happened when he was too little to realise.

It is very hard so please talk to friends and family about it to ensure you get some support, also make sure you look after yourself properly - eat right, get fresh air, focus on "You" as much as you can.

I couldn't think of anything else for a long time after it happened. Literally the first thing I'd think of on waking. It was draining. I had to make the conscious effort to switch off those thoughts - but after just a week you're bound to be processing it all. X

Right now it’s going to feel very raw and hurt so much but it will get better and I guarantee that in a years time, if not much less than that, you will be relieved that you are no longer with such a horrible person.

Your friends and family WANT to help.
They WANT to be there for you.
Please believe that. Lean on them whenever you need to.
That's what got me through it.
But OP.. it's been 1 week.
It's such early days. This will take a long while to come to terms with.
These 'men' just turn into people we don't even know anymore.
It's sooo confusing.
And yes, you are in pain. Real physical pain.
The heartbreak is unbearable at the moment.
You need to be kind to yourself.
Get all the support around you that you can.
Try to keep busy.
Get practical as soon as you can.
Find paperwork.
Wage slips, pensions info, asset info, account info, savings, ISA info, marriage certificate.
Make an appointment with at least 2 solicitors, even better if they offer a free half hour session.
He will need to support his DC.
What is the house situation? Mortgage or rent. etc....?

He's a cunt - plain and simple.
But you won't find your anger for a while yet.
Keep hydrated and keep your sugar levels up.
Do NOT expect to 'get over this' quickly.
It takes time. Lots of time.

Thank you for the messages, i am feeling much better this morning after a long walk with the dog, im just so up & down.

Deep down i know i will be better without him but i just worry about my DD & whether he & his family will be a negative influence in her life.

We have a mortgage but he was always rubbish with finances so that & most of the bills are all in my name anyway & i should hopefully be able to buy him out or if not, buy a slightly cheaper house nearby

I had a similar situation when my youngest was 7 months. Right now you will be going through so many emotions- shock, anger, sadness, grieving, disbelief. I still feel all these things now when I think about the situation or see him, but to a lesser degree. I also now feel relief that I'm not with someone who had such little respect for me and our child, you'll feel this way too with time.

He is being an asshole because he's projecting his guilt onto you. Someone on MN said to me at the time it all happened, you are now seeing the real him without the mask, and that's turned out to be true. The person he is now is probably his true self - a selfish bastard who doesn't give a shit about anything except his manhood. You are too good for him and will see this in time.

It's not something people on here recommend, but I started online dating within a week and put my status as looking for friends. It was a distraction from the loneliness and sadness in the evenings and helped boost my shattered confidence. It gave me a little bit of sanity at the time. Find something to keep yourself busy in the evenings, whatever that might be. x

Try to look at it as he's the one who has lost everything, not you. He's not only lost a loving wife, he's lost a settled home and his moral integrity. From now on he's the bastard who left a wife and a small child, and that will follow him around, even if he doesn't appear to care.

Life will get better for you. It's just time, I'm afraid. Keep busy, lean on your friends, one day this will all be a memory.

He sounds awful. It must be really tough for you so be kind to yourself. Just put one foot in front of the other for now and focus on what is best for you and your DD. Keep talking to your friends and family even if it is rehashing the same stuff - they will want to be there for you.

Having come through similar (split when DS was 10 months ish, he's now 6), I now feel so grateful that I found out what ex was like when I did and with just the one child it does make things simpler. It's hard initially as it feels like everyone else with young children is coupled up but that does change (not that I'm wishing splits on all couples!). Having parents who aren't together is totally normal for DS and he doesn't hanker after us being together which I'm grateful for. I've met someone new who is amazing and we've been together 2 years. So, it DOES get easier and you can have a new awesome happy life.

I only did it this year but I found a therapist who is training so is a bit cheaper and am doing some therapy which I think helps just to make sure you're dealing with it OK. You might be able to put yourself on the list with your GP and you may as well do that if possible.

Thank you for the replies x