Crisis point tonight

[WellAndTrulyUsed]

Sorry, for starting two threads. I haven't had many responses on my other one and I am at crisis point. I've realised that I am hugely taken for granted and used in my relationship and that my partner just doesn't care about me. I'm 6 months pregnant, and am in tears whilst he is downstairs watching tv oblivious. I am desperate for a glass of wine but can't have one, I want to punch a wall to make myself feel better but know that would be silly and hurt, I need to let some anger out, I feel sick. I'm a huge mug, and don't know what to do. I have GAD and OCD. My mental health isn't great but he isn't that aware of this as I hide it well. I feel like I'm getting pre natal depression. I can't tell if he is awful or if I am. I want to disappear in to a black hole and really, really need help. Can anyone advise/comfort/help me get through tonight without having a meltdown?

Do you have any family nearby? Somewhere you could go and just be looked after for tonight?

@BifsWif no, they're about 200 miles away. I have nobody here as we live here to be near his child. I'm staying at a friends tomorrow though. After work.

Hugs - you need it
What has made this a crisis point?

Has something happened between you both tonight?

Please talk to him!! I am currently on the receiving end of a woman who I have neglected for over a year! I wish every second since she had come to me sooner and said something.. please please tell him how you feel before you give up do not keep it in it won’t help anyone.. if he’s like me (a man) we react to situations and don’t interpret them very well.. he may not even realise something is wrong. If I have this wrong I’m sorry but I don’t want to happen to you what is happening to me!

@stormymcstormface we had a brief fallout yesterday. I was upset because he does nothing for me yet expects so much. We didn't talk tonight. He's sleeping on the sofa. It's awkward. I am an amazing girlfriend. I do so damn much and get nothing in return and I'm just drained. Tonight is the first time I've wondered what it would be like to start again, not be pregnant, and be happy. I'm not happy and I'm falling apart. Why tonight? I don't know.

@Tryingtomakeitright what if I had talked to you over and over and you had done nothing about it?

Are you in regular contact with your Dr/MHT re your GAD and OCD? Have they got worse, or does it feel like something else?

Why do you feel taken for granted/like he doesnt care? Sorry Im not sure if Ive seen the other thread

Try screaming into a pillow if you need to let it out a bit?

Sorry cross posted

That I can’t answer, how did you approach him? Try to do it when you aren’t upset because it will put him on the defence. If he won’t respond to you even after talking to him calmly one on one with no distractions and tv then I’m sorry but I don’t know what I can suggest. I’d happily come round and give him a kick in the nuts for you..

@dirtybadger he hasn't asked me how I am since I became pregnant. He never does any housework. He gets angry at me if I do something wrong or put his clothes in the wrong place. He has no ambition and has never shown me any kindness. His daughter finds him scary at times because if he so much as bumps his head he flies off the handle. I can't talk to him anymore, I've tried and every time he tells me how amazing I am and how much he appreciates me. Then back to sweet fuck all.

@dirtybadger I'm not. I've never found anything that helps. I'm just completely broken and have become so good at hiding it that nobody has a clue.

@Tryingtomakeitright I've approached him lots of ways. Calm, text, annoyed, crying. I just don't know what to do. I feel like driving to the middle of nowhere and just sleeping in my car.

Ok so what you could consider is trying to “leave”.. this won’t solve your problem but it may just give him a wake up call to what he would be missing, remember men a reactive when threatened, even if it doesnt work you will know for sure if you want to carry on trying or not..

@Tryingtomakeitright I have nowhere to go. No friends in the area. Mortgage to pay. Job to go to. Midwives appointments to be at. Where do I leave to? My friend I'm staying with tomorrow is for a trip we have had planned. She's closest to me bus she's still 80 miles away:

Take some sick leave and go to your family for a week. Get some real support. You can’t bring a baby into this environment. Something has to change.

Get out
Abusive man
Will get worse

Was in your exact position this time last year

decide where you want to move to before you have baby and move before hand as well. He can not stop you moving but he might be able to stop baby moving when baby is on the outside.

Can you contact the midwifery team and let them know what you are going through?

Hi there 🌺 sorry it’s so shit for you at the moment - He seems abusive. I would contact women’s aid for advice and support. You need to get out - his own daughter is scared of him!!!!
What will he be like when your baby comes - think of the emotional damage an angry screaming parent will cause.
Has he hit you ever?
He has you scared - I would be - and sometimes we freeze with fear.
You should not be living like this.
If you can I would get some head space and go and see your family.
Are your family supportive?
You can transfer your pregnancy care to a new area easily.
I would also let your friend know how he is. You won’t change him.
Abusive men don’t like you leaving them so don’t tell him anything.
There is no shame in what’s going on - it’s there shame these abusive men. Fuckers!!!
I’d sending you a hug. Keep posting. But please do seek help.