Is he playing her?

[KarmaCurse]

So my friend has been dating a man for the past 6 months. They’re really compatible and are both happy when they are together. He’s separated from his ex and they have children together. The problem is I’m starting to think he’s not separated. He won’t let her go to his house as his flat mate has said no, he lied about going away with his ex and children on holiday (my friend actually didn’t have any issues with this as it was for the children), he acts distant on certain days and there’s just something I can’t put my finger on. She’s besotted by him and as said they are happy when together. They speak all through the day and evenings either by text or calls. He seems genuine when I see him and he’s already involved in her social, work and family circle. He is saying he needs to find a property to rent so it is his.

The hard part for her is that now the ex wants him back and he’s saying he doesn’t know what to do. There’s also a previous ex we know about now from years ago where he did very similar. He said his wife is aware of the situation too and of my friends existence. This is what I don’t believe. She has said that he is so scared of his ex moving away with the children and if he chooses to stay with my friend he doesn’t want to cause further distress to the situation by not having the children. He’s lied about stupid stuff previously and I’m starting to think he’s been lying to her.

Do I confront him or the ex for clarification? I just can’t sit and watch my friend get hurt.

Stay out of it she’s an adult and it’s up to her how she handles it.

I don’t really think it’s your place to confront anyone but I do think he’s probably still living with them and likely not clearly separated.

I think you should be honest with your friend about what you think. But 'confronting' him or the ex? Definitely not. Not your place at all.

I think she's being played and is the OW unknowingly. Has she met his friends or family?

Does she know his address? If I were her I'd be tempted to drive over and just see if a woman or kids came in or out.

Holiday with the wife l is possible for the kids ...but he sounds dodgy.

I'm sure he comes across as genuine..charmers often do. That's why they are more successful in getting extra women.

I've suggested driving over but she said she doesn't want to cause trouble. I didn't mean confront in an aggressive manner but just find out what is going on. It's hard as she is my family and I the last thing I want is to see her get hurt.

You should absolutely keep out of it. The furthest you should go, is having a discussion with her about it.

My best friend is like my sister. We are very close. If she ever decided to confront my partner, about her feelings about our relationships I would tell her to back off. It would impact our friendship.

You can't go round interfering in her life under the guise of being worried.

I get what other people are saying, and i definitely wouldnt confront him or speak to ex....but if it werent out the way I would be tempted to detour on my commute to see if theres any obvious signs hes still living at home.
I wouldnt be driving down a cul de sac and sitting around waiting, though, IYSWIM. If that isnt really convenient then just keep your ears open and maybe plant the seed (ie politely point out his behaviour is suspicious). And then wait and see. If he is "innocent" you dont want to unduly upset either. And if he isnt innocent you dont want to give him the opportunity to alienate your friend from you by saying youre meddling and jealous, etc.

@dirtybadger I agree with the driving past on my way home (10 minute detour but what the hell) she's just rang to say he needs space tonight and she won't hear from him until tomorrow. Just so fishy I know in my gut there's something off the mark but it's hard because he is one of the nicest blokes. He's always showing her affection and praising her to work colleagues when she's not even around. I don't know if he's separated but still living in the house or if it's the other. I'm normally right on the mark with people but him I just can't figure it out. She's upset now as she's just asked if I think they're together but I suppose once I've wrapped up here we will find out.

You are going to drive past his house, because you have a feeling something is up?

If my dps mate drove by my house because he had a guy feeling I was dodgy, I would go mad. I certainly would refuse to have anything to do with the friend. And if I got a hint that Dp was in on it, I would dump him. Not sure I could stay with Dp if he condoned his friend doing this.

It's creepy.